Forget football....I am here to talk about bed bugs. (No, I am NOT going to indulge you in why I am talking about bed bugs. Why try to understand anything going on in my brain? I mean, it’s usually about poop or Xena, so be greatful for a change of pace.) Suffice it to say that bed bugs have come into my life and that I am now involved in “The Great Bed Bug War of 2008.”
You know that saying, “Sleep tight, don’t let the bed bugs bite?” Well, I am here to tell you that I will personally SLAP THE PISS out of anyone who says this to me.Why?
Because bed bugs do bite and they do exist and they are a real bitch to get rid of….
Bed bugs have come into my life. It's a real pain. I’ve been doing a lot of research on the topic and while it is not as exciting as reading about poop or Xena, it is exciting to learn something new about these critters. There is a lot of info on the internet (be it right or wrong--it's always hard to tell with crap on the Internet), complete with pictures and gruesome stories. I personally am all about the photos, although seeing the bugs in real life does lend itself to a higher level of respect for the bugs.
The wife is understandably quite disturbed about this, as who really wants someone who has been exposed to/swimming with/walking through bed-bugged areas to come to bed with you?
No one.
Suffice it to say that I have been stripping in the garage (a really fun thing to do in the middle of the winter), not wearing my coat anywhere (another fun thing to do in the below zero temps) and leaving my shoes in the garage all night to kill off anything that might have hopped a ride….
Thankfully, the Internet suggests that I have little to worry about, as “…..Except in the case of severe infestations, bedbugs are not usually carried from place to place by people on clothing they are currently wearing.”
I do not think these words soothe the wife but it does help me from completely freaking out. (Don't think that I'm not freaking out, because I am. I'm just a little more reserved in my freaking outness.)
I appreciate the internet blurb stating, “….However, you may experience psychological effects due to a bedbug infestation, such as imagined itching. This is normal. And understand that a bedbug infestation is nothing to be embarrassed about. Even the cleanest, most meticulous individual can experience a bedbug problem in the home.”
Um, about that psychological thing—it is true. I find myself scratching at imaginary things. It’s not like lice or anything—the bed bugs don’t jump anywhere and I’m not sleeping in places other than home—but, it’s still unnerving.
As I have never been exposed (knowingly) to bed bugs, I found myself very much out of the bed bug loop. Better to be armed with semi-correct information gleaned from the internet than to be in the dark.
Side note: the thought of staying in a hotel at this point freaks me out. Forget those 20/20 investigations that show the maids clean the glasses with Windex and never really wash them; I am all about the bed bugs that are probably crawling over me and sneaking into my luggage. E-gads!
Side side note to a few special readers: If only I had a silk cocoon….
I have learned that “…..Bedbugs are very flat, which allows them to hide in tiny crevices. A crack wide enough to fit the edge of a credit card can harbor bedbugs (even in the ceiling). In the daytime, they tend to stay out of the light, preferring to remain hidden in such places as mattress seams, mattress interiors, bed frames, nearby furniture, carpeting, baseboards, inner walls, tiny wood holes, or bedroom clutter.”
I am guessing it is a really bad sign that I’ve seen bed bugs during the day, as if they are out in the day and they are mostly out at night, they must be very, very busy.
I have been very happy to learn that “they are not social insects, however, and do not build or stay in nests. These groups of bedbugs are very often found in beds, usually either in the seams of a mattress (usually the seams closest to the sleeper such as those on the edging of a mattress or box spring), in the boxspring, or within the structure of the bed itself.”
Okay, that I can deal with…but….
“Bedbugs are capable of traveling as far as 100 feet to feed, but usually remain close to the host in bedrooms or on sofas where people may sleep. They feed every five to 10 days. It is important to inspect all adjacent rooms for infestation, as bedbugs travel easily and quickly along pipes and boards. In treatment, it is important to consider the insides of walls as potential places for bedbug infestation.”
Dear god! Who wants to think about bed bugs in the walls?
Perhaps focusing on how to rid the buggers is a more pleasant thing to consider, but I am here to tell you that those guys DO—NOT—WANT—TO—LEAVE! And, killing them is like trying to catch a greased pig—really hard! You just can’t catch them in a jar or anything and it’s not like they die if you stay out of bed for a week or two. Those puppies can go for months without eating. (Kind of like Nicole Richie.)
In the end, it will all be fine and I'll move back to talking about poop and Xena, with perhaps a little dog story here and there. But, for now I am obsessed with the bug of choice. If you really want to know about bed bugs, go to http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bedbug .Why you would want to do this, I don’t know—I’d think you’d have heard enough right here....
....anyone want to come over for a slumber party???
No one.
Suffice it to say that I have been stripping in the garage (a really fun thing to do in the middle of the winter), not wearing my coat anywhere (another fun thing to do in the below zero temps) and leaving my shoes in the garage all night to kill off anything that might have hopped a ride….
Thankfully, the Internet suggests that I have little to worry about, as “…..Except in the case of severe infestations, bedbugs are not usually carried from place to place by people on clothing they are currently wearing.”
I do not think these words soothe the wife but it does help me from completely freaking out. (Don't think that I'm not freaking out, because I am. I'm just a little more reserved in my freaking outness.)
I appreciate the internet blurb stating, “….However, you may experience psychological effects due to a bedbug infestation, such as imagined itching. This is normal. And understand that a bedbug infestation is nothing to be embarrassed about. Even the cleanest, most meticulous individual can experience a bedbug problem in the home.”
Um, about that psychological thing—it is true. I find myself scratching at imaginary things. It’s not like lice or anything—the bed bugs don’t jump anywhere and I’m not sleeping in places other than home—but, it’s still unnerving.
As I have never been exposed (knowingly) to bed bugs, I found myself very much out of the bed bug loop. Better to be armed with semi-correct information gleaned from the internet than to be in the dark.
Side note: the thought of staying in a hotel at this point freaks me out. Forget those 20/20 investigations that show the maids clean the glasses with Windex and never really wash them; I am all about the bed bugs that are probably crawling over me and sneaking into my luggage. E-gads!
Side side note to a few special readers: If only I had a silk cocoon….
I have learned that “…..Bedbugs are very flat, which allows them to hide in tiny crevices. A crack wide enough to fit the edge of a credit card can harbor bedbugs (even in the ceiling). In the daytime, they tend to stay out of the light, preferring to remain hidden in such places as mattress seams, mattress interiors, bed frames, nearby furniture, carpeting, baseboards, inner walls, tiny wood holes, or bedroom clutter.”
I am guessing it is a really bad sign that I’ve seen bed bugs during the day, as if they are out in the day and they are mostly out at night, they must be very, very busy.
I have been very happy to learn that “they are not social insects, however, and do not build or stay in nests. These groups of bedbugs are very often found in beds, usually either in the seams of a mattress (usually the seams closest to the sleeper such as those on the edging of a mattress or box spring), in the boxspring, or within the structure of the bed itself.”
Okay, that I can deal with…but….
“Bedbugs are capable of traveling as far as 100 feet to feed, but usually remain close to the host in bedrooms or on sofas where people may sleep. They feed every five to 10 days. It is important to inspect all adjacent rooms for infestation, as bedbugs travel easily and quickly along pipes and boards. In treatment, it is important to consider the insides of walls as potential places for bedbug infestation.”
Dear god! Who wants to think about bed bugs in the walls?
Perhaps focusing on how to rid the buggers is a more pleasant thing to consider, but I am here to tell you that those guys DO—NOT—WANT—TO—LEAVE! And, killing them is like trying to catch a greased pig—really hard! You just can’t catch them in a jar or anything and it’s not like they die if you stay out of bed for a week or two. Those puppies can go for months without eating. (Kind of like Nicole Richie.)
In the end, it will all be fine and I'll move back to talking about poop and Xena, with perhaps a little dog story here and there. But, for now I am obsessed with the bug of choice. If you really want to know about bed bugs, go to http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bedbug .Why you would want to do this, I don’t know—I’d think you’d have heard enough right here....
....anyone want to come over for a slumber party???
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