Holy Wolf Coyote! It's Dave Ramsey!


The wife wakes me up last night and says,

"Do you hear that?"

Me, being the well-medicated one, take a half-hearted listen and try to scrape some cobwebs out of my brain so I can actually process what I'm supposed to be hearing. Sure enough, there is this yippy-howly-singy-barking noise--like two wild animals howling at the moon. I recognize it's not that scary cats-mating-scrrrreeching noise (a noise never to be forgotten once heard) and it's not someone's pet.....it's a coyote! One eye pops open, as this IS something to wake up about. It's TWO coyotes! Well, at least two....one can never tell without seeing them, as far as I'm concerned. Okay, so that was fun. I fall right back asleep.

So, this morning, we are walking the dogs to get the Sunday paper. It's embarrassing but true--whenever we cross paths with another dog, I make a beeline for the nearest house and pretend like we live there--this distracts Freckles and Lucy enough that they don't notice the dog walking by. The wife is very embarrassed by my behavior but it works like a charm. Today, I pull the dogs towards this empty field and say, "Look!" to distract them even further.....but, when the three of us look, we see......

....DEAR GOD! It's a WOLF COYOTE! STANDING RIGHT THERE!

I call it a wolf coyote as I am not well-enough versed on the difference; hence, I posted a photo of a wolf and a coyote above (wolf in the top photo). I thought it looked more like a wolf than a coyote, but the wife says coyotes have been spotted in the area. It was big and brown-grey and it SAW US. Thankfully, it scooted off across the tundra instead of towards us. Of course, Lucy wants to be its friend and is literally standing on her back to legs trying to get a closer look. I yell out to the wife, "Hey! It's a wolf!" She sees it and is NOT entertained that I am distracted the dogs from a dog by pointing out a wild animal. She's no fun, is she? I'll have to get back to you on the status of these animals once I learn of their actual type....wolf or coyote, it's all good.

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Who's this bald man, you ask?
No, he has nothing to do with the wolf-coyote--he has to do with the brother-in-law Tommy Hilfiger. A few months ago, Tommy handed me Dave's book, "The Total Money Makeover: A Proven Plan for Financial Fitness. In fact, Tommy had a pile of FIFTEEN of these books and was passing them out to family members. I took my copy and flipped through a few pages. Looked like common sense-Oprah-Debt-Diet-Suzi-Orman- type of ordeal. I took the book home and read it over the next few days.
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(We saw Tommy and the wife's family yesterday--this will figure in to the story in a few minutes...)

A quick reminder of who Tommy Hilfter the brother in law is---for those of you who don't remember, he's the one who surprised his parents by giving them a new car last year. I believe that if Jesus is walking the earth right now, he is Tommy Hilfiger. I am serious. This guy is loving, giving, humble and he's a man of the faith. True faith. Deep, serious-god-loving-What-would-Jesus-do faith. I'm not big on most not-really-very-christian Christians. This guy gives Christians a good name. He is so non-judgmental, it is almost frightening. After all, how many really religious religous people do you know that wouldn't be judging me and the wife?

Back to Dave Ramsey. I read the book and think how I've heard this all before but what the heck, I'll give it the ol' college try. Okay, so I have to pay off my debts, smallest to biggest. I need to save $500 pronto (Dave says $1000 but I figure the wife will provide her half.) Dave's a religious kind of guy, but the book is simple and not heavy on the religion, so I remain intrigued. 

I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel--Dave says he can help me get there. 

I wasn't happy when I read the part about Lotto players. He says: "Lotto and Power Ball are a tax on the poor and people who can't do math." Ouch. He adds, "look at the people in the line (for lottery tickets)." Oh dear. "Lotto is a rip-off instituted by our government." So much for winning the Lotto.

(Side note: that $500 has mocked me. I save it, then I need $500 to pay my license fee for being a counselor and an art therapist and for a training. I save it, then I need four new tires. Ugh. But, at least I had the $500 to use. I am back to saving for it again. It's always something, isn't it?)
Fast forward a few months. I pay off my loan for our house improvement. I am tickled pink. Tommy sends me a congratulations email and gives me a big hug when he sees me. The wife's family gets in on the fun and also give me oodles of Dave-Ramsey-filled love. This warms my little heart. Fast forward another two months: I am literally holding the title to my car. Most of you won't find this to be a victory of any sort. To me, this IS like winning the Olympics. I do a happy title dance. Really. In the living room. I can SO see the light at the end of the tunnel. Now, it's off to credit card hell land.....

.....Back to yesterday. We're at a wife-family gathering and Tommy is there. I announce to the world of the wife that I have paid of my car and that I have the title and that I did the happy title dance. They all praise Dave Ramsey (and Oprah, of course, because they know I know "The Secret" and that Oprah has embraced the Secret). I'm feeling good and I'm washing the dishes and Tommy is praising me like there is no tomorrow. I thank him again for the Dave Ramsey book. He smiles knowingly and non-judgmentally.

A few minutes later, Tommy's eight-year-old daughter walks up to me and says, "Here, take this." I'm thinking she's playing a joke on me and handing me a crumpled piece of paper. I put my hands out and take the garbage. Only, it isn't garbage. I look and see it is a ONE HUNDRED DOLLAR bill. I look again. Yup. It's a Benjamin.

I tell her I CANNOT take this and try to get her to take it back. I chase her around the living room but she's not taking it back. I demand to know where her father is but she's not telling. Rotten kid! I search the house looking for Tommy. I find him and say that I cannot accept this money. He answers that he didn't give it to me--his daughter did. We have a silent argument. Tommy finally says that he is so proud of my accomplishments that I should go out and buy something nice for myself.

I finally end up taking the money, although it takes everything in me to take it. I get teary-eyed, he's crying (he cries A LOT--about happy things, god-thankful things) and his wife is demanding to know what her husband has done to me to make me cry. "Why is he crying? Why are you crying? He didn't make you cry, did he? He can make me cry? Are these tears of joy or what?" I assure Mrs. Hilfiger that all is well and although her husband DID make me cry, it is all good.

On the way home, I decide that I am NOT going to spend the money--I am going to do something that would make Dave Ramsey and Tommy Hilfiger proud--I am going to use that bill to open a savings account. Oh, stop being judgmental--at least I'm willing to admit I don't have a savings account. I will now. And, with two of three of my debts now paid off, I'll actually be able to put money into a savings account. The wife is orgasmic. This is what she has waited for. So, thank you Dave Ramsey and Tommy Hilfiger. I look forward to debt-free living.....

....as long as those wolf-coyotes stay away from the dogs and I don't order any more credit cards and as long as the chocolate keeps on flowing, we will truly live in bliss.

Brings a Tommy Hilfiger tear to your eye, doesn't it?