The Great Cheese Ball Invasion of 2007

Going back to New Year's Eve: our neighbors (the fun neighbors who are always inviting us over but I'm always going to bed by the time they get things started) had one heck of a New Year's Eve party. (Yes, we were invited. No, we didn't go. I was too busy sleeping. That really pisses the wife off but after all these years, she is used to me being a "I-need-my-sleep-I'm-now-boring-nerd." Not that she likes it.) Sometime between Midnight and 3:45 AM (those are the times I know I heard them outside, having a blast...and a few beers, I'm guessing), there was a great cheese ball invasion and a serious cup cake fight.

How do I know this momentous event occurred if I was in bed sleeping? Maybe it was the cheese balls covering the lawn, the sidewalk, the driveway, the curb, the street, even lining the windshield of those still at the party by the time we got up on New Year's Day. There were cheeseballs EVERYWHERE! It was absolutely hilarious. The cupcakes? Well, there were cup cake liners strewn across the nation, not to mention faces had been drawn with frosting on the windshields of cars and there were piles of blue and orange (Bear colors!) smashed cupcakes along the same lines of the cheeseballs. (Only, cheese balls travel much further. We still find cheese balls every day when we walk the dogs. This makes us laugh. How can you not laugh when you see a cheese ball rolling down the street?)

What made me laugh even harder was the email we received last night from the neighbors. It was too funny not to share. I have deleted names to protect their identity (after all, the Cheese ball police might be looking for them. My made up names are [in these little thingies.] Maybe the email will only funny to those who actually witnessed the melee. I think not:

[Neighbor #2 writes] "Yo Doggies- let's have a Bears' party this weekend at [neighbor's] house. I [neighbor #2, who is probably lying about cleaning] will clean the house before you arrive and after you leave. The house will be spotless! Below are a few bits of information about my party.

-NO CHEESE BALLS OR CUPCAKES

- No ringing the neighbor's doorbell at any point during the day or night (neighbor won't get invited to the next block party)
- I'll bring the Italian beef-- you bring a bag of chips or dish to pass- ([Cracker Friend]- a hot blond doesn't count as a hot dish to pass unless you share)
- if you bring a dish to pass, take the damn thing home with you so I don't have to do the dishes the next day (since I'll be the one cleaning up after the party)
- bring your own beer - what do you think I'm rich or something (any beer left at the house goes into my personal collection)

-NO CHEESE BALLS OR CUPCAKES

- throughout the day there will be a ping pong tournament with a $5 entry and spectator fee (the fees will go toward the holes that may end up in the wall- the large trophy [friend and neighbor #2] will win and plus where else can you get such cheap entertainment [gaseous friend PB] burping "God Bless America" doesn't count)

[Ping Pong Goddess neighbors] are the reigning ping pong champions- I just thought I'd throw that in because I can- and we will kick your ______- when we kick your _______ you must tell us how cute we are (we already know we're good so you don't have to tell us that)

-NO CHEESE BALLS OR CUPCAKES

- there will be list to get into the party- your name must be on this list in order to get in. This will keep the professional ping pong players- and dirty girls away away. (Friend #47 you don't really like football anyway)
- you must wear your party pants (if you don't wear party pants you have to watch the game naked) [Party Friend rhymes with cookie] has many pairs- or [ML] said she'd make you all some party pants if you call her and ask her nicely.

-NO CHEESE BALLS OR CUPCAKES

- there will be a $5 cover charge for the party (nothing good is free and I'm worth way more than that anyway)After the Bears win I will be taking all of your $$$ at the poker table. No messing around this time. I have become a poker nerd- playing online while I'm supposed to be running a restaurant. If you would all call and order more often I wouldn't have to take your $ at the poker table.

- ABSOLUTELY NO CHEESE BALLS OR CUPCAKES ALLOWED

- there will be a limit on the amount of jello shots one person can consume-I don't want to have to clean red/purple stains out of the carpet too (another reason for the $5 cover charge- maybe we should make it $10- what do you think [puking friend])
- Anyone wearing Packer shit will watch the game in the garage. By the way, there's no TV in the garage (Packer friend don't push this one- we can take you- you too Brother man)
- if anyone wants to bring a neon Bears sign to hang in the front window-that would be cool (can you hook us up, [Electronic-gifted friend]
So, in conclusion I will have the house cleaned by 11:30 on Sunday. You are all welcome to come over anytime after that to watch the Bears win their first playoff game. Please say a few prayers for REX and send your pre-party payment of $29.95 to [neighbor #2] by this Sunday. See you all Sunday with your party pants on!"

Now, THAT's a fun party!