Snow Day!

Hell hath no fury like a teacher waiting to hear if it's a snow day or not.

I've been living with a teacher for the past forty zillion years and I can tell you one thing: Teachers like snow days more than kids. They live for it. It all starts with a simple weather report. Teachers hone in the word "snow" the minute it falls out of the meteorologist's lips. Snow? How much snow? When is the snow scheduled to fall? When is the snow scheduled to stop? This is followed by the "look-out-the-window-every-thirty-minutes" ritual to see if the snow is falling, how much snow is falling, how much snow is on the ground.

You think I'm kidding? Ask any teacher...

So, the weather report indicates snow in the forcast. The snow starts falling in the middle of the night. This is a good thing, as it ups the chances of a snow day. Why? Because the roads can't get plowed for the buses if the snow starts in the middle of the night. If the snow falls "too early," the roads get plowed, the buses run, the teachers have to work. Wind also helps. If the wind is blowing more than less, the visibility is less than more and this, too, increases the chance of a snow day. If the snow starts falling too late in the morning, the classes will probably go on as scheduled but class will get out early. This is NOT what a teacher wants to happen.

Then there is the "magic moment--the announcement" on the TV, radio and Internet--the words that schools are closed...or not.

I guarantee you that teachers get up a LOT earlier than the kids to see if school is cancelled. The wife scans the TV listings like a true snowday professional. The worst moment is when a whole bunch of schools are listed but the wife's school is not listed. Oh, the horror! This is very painful for the non-teacher. There's bitching and moaning and complaining and swearing and really bad moods. This leads to more watching of the TV and more pissy-ness. The wife, in my case, goes outside and swears as she shovels. (I stick to snowblowing. I don't want to die of a heart attack. She's already all pissy and angry--let her have the heart attack.) The wife then slams off her boots and goes back to the TV, the radio, the Internet....

If, by chance, the school of employment is listed, the mood changes instantly. Snow Day! Snow Day! Snow Day!

It's like winning the teacher lottery. (Of course, the rest of us sorry saps still have to go to work but the teachers do not.) I don't know what teachers actually do on their snow days--I think most of them go out shopping, which in my mind means they really could have gone to work if it weren't for those damned buses not running for the kiddies.

Today is a perfect example of a snow day in the Addiverse....

There had been a call for 6-12" of snow. This madness started yesterday, which means the wife started fretting over 24 hours before the snow actually showed up--and, as the weather goes, you never know IF the snow is actually going to show up at all. (My weather motto is: see it to believe it.) She was up looking out the window in the middle of the night--I caught her. That's what teachers do--they peer out the window--it's her job to uphold this tradition. It's snowing! And, what does she see? Why, it's snowing like a bitch and it started in the middle of the night and it's really windy and the plows aren't out yet and this is the perfect recipe for the beloved snow day.

The first thing the wife did this morning? Turns on the TV and starts lamenting that her school isn't yet listed on the closing list. The wife then gets on the phone--damn! No school closing listed on the message. She then gets the computer and goes on line. I don't even think she's peed yet and she's going through the teacher-snow day-ritual. It's time to go shovel and be pissy. This morning, the garage door wouldn't shut--you can imagine how pleased this made the wife. Not only does she still believe she has to go to work, the garage door is stuck wide open and snow is howling into the garage onto her beloved Mustang. It cannot get much worse than this.

It is hard to calm down a teacher counting on a snow day when the snow day has yet to be confirmed.

There is no rationalization, no words of soothing, no words of wisdom. The only remedy is that the TV, radio and Internet announce that the school of choice is closed.

Then, it happens--the wife's school is announced as closed...........but, only for half the day!!!!

This is almost WORSE than no snow day at all! How could they do this? Everyone else is closed the entire day! (This is the point when I decide it is time to go to work. It's safer that way.)

Ah, the teacher and the snow day. It's something most of us won't ever understand unless we, too, become teachers. Me? I'm just going to go to work and leave the wife to the snow days... five bucks says she'll go shopping....