Just call me Lumpy

This morning, I bumped this crap out of my head while at work. It immediately led to a lump like they show on cartoons. I’m not kidding. By the time I picked myself up off the floor, the lump was already taking over my head. I saw cartoon stars, too.

While holding ice on my head, I thought about all the weird injuries I’ve had in my life. My ex-father-in-law (that’s a whole ‘nother story) used to say that if there were a door slamming shut within a 25-mile radius, one of my fingers would be in it. God love ya, Wes.

Did I mention I whacked my head on the overhead garage door yesterday? Maybe I'm supposed to be getting a message from the universe....

I'm NOT proud to say I’ve been knocked silly more times than I can remember. (My poor brain.) I knocked my head so hard on a tampon machine once I couldn’t get up for a few minutes. That was a work-related injury. Thank god I didn’t need any workman’s comp for that—can you imagine filling out the forms indicating I hit my head on a tampon machine? Sports injuries I can understand. I’ve been kicked in the head while playing softball and have been knocked unconscious when the male short stop beaned me in the back of the head when I was running to third base. I’ve needed stitches & got a concussion after getting hit in the face with a softball—and, I was coaching, not playing. I’ve had a broken jaw and wrist in softball and a broken sternum from basketball. (I didn’t even know you could break a sternum.) I burst a bursa in my knee when I wasn’t paying attention during softball practice—took a softball right to the knee. Yeow! Sports injuries are to be expected. But things like hitting hit my head on a wall when knocked over during a panty raid, I don’t understand. That’s right—a panty raid.

One of my favorite sports injuries led to a herniated disk in my neck. I was jogging to work one morning—being healthy, I guess—carrying time cards to the office while jogging. I tripped over a curb and went flying. Now, I didn’t trip on some side street. No, I tripped on the corner of one of the town’s busiest corners during the busiest time of the morning. I was airborne in front of all these cars waiting for the stoplight. Time cards went flying everywhere. I came down on my face. I’m sure it was very entertaining. I just about had to crawl to work after that one.

Part of my problem is that I don’t have peripheral vision—I’m so near sighted I can’t see anything not directly through my glasses in front of me. Part of the problem is that I’m a klutz and don’t pay attention to things like tampon machines and curbs.

My head’s fine, thanks for asking. Yeah, I know you’re saying “Hope it knocked some sense into you.” Don’t worry—it didn’t.