Poop of the Day

This particular blog shall be dedicated to my sister, who is in need of some humor and has had a headache for ten days.

As I am the juvenile type, I shall write about poop. (No, that is not my poop in the photo. It's someone's unidentified poop. If it were my poop, I would take credit for it.) I don't know if you like reading about poop, but what the heck. Everyone poops.

First, I would like to share something from "The Poop Report," as there is nothing better than poop and world peace:

Poop For Peace Day is coming soon. On Friday, April 14, people of allraces, colors, and creeds will try to establish worldwide understanding onthe one foundation we all share: poop. We are not black or white, we are not Republican or Democrat, we are not Christian or Muslim or Jew -- we are only humans, struggling in unison under the tyranny of the bowel. Poop is what we have in common, which means poop is where empathy and understanding begin. So get ready. Tell your friends. Call your local radio station and email your favorite website. Poop For Peace Day needs each and every one of youto do your share. If you have a website, download a banner and post it. (I'll link to you in return.) If you have a printer, download a PDF andhand out fliers or put up posters. If you have like-minded friends orcolleagues, forward this email to them and encourage them to do the same.War is over, if you grunt it. For posters*, banners, and much moreinformation, visit http://www.poopreport.com/Peace . April 14 is lessthan a month away!

If that doesn't make your day, I don't know what will.

I don't know what it is about me and poop, but I always find myself talking about poop at least once a day, usually with co-workers. Last week, someone left a turd in the work toilet, leading to all sorts of poop talk and poop talk. Since it looked like a small carrot, real carrots started showing up on people's chairs at work. Hilarious!
Then, someone left behind a turd that looked like a yam. (I have a suspicious feeling it is the same co-worker. She knows who she is.) You know that yams started showing up. 

Yes, photos were taken of the left-behind poops. One needs proof that the event took place. I'm not gonna believe anyone without proof. It may seem strange to take photos of other people's left-behind poops....

....you would be right. It IS strange. Almost pathological. Freud would have a hey day with us.

My question is this: why would you EVER leave the bathroom without looking to make sure your turd went down the toilet? If you made one, you should make sure that it has "left the building" before you leave the room. Sometimes, one of those little fellas don't go with the team. It's important not to leave anyone behind. You should make sure the toilet paper made its way down the flusher, too. It's gross to find someone else's blob of used toilet paper. 

(Side note: you should not flush tampons down the toilet. How do I know this? Because a plumber came to our house to fix our toilet and pulled out a pile of those gems to illustrate why we should not do this. I was mortified and fascinated at the same time. Who knew? No more tampons down the toilet.)

Maybe poop is so exciting to me because I don't get to poop every day. It's a shame, really. Everyone should poop at least once a day. My plumbing just isn't what it should be, even though I'm a vegetarian--you think poop would just be shooting out of me. I want to be one with my poop. 

Too much information? When it comes to poop, no--it is not. One can never have too much information about poop. If only we ALL talked about our poop. What a better place the world would be. Some people have questions. Why is my poop green? Why does corn look the same as it did going in when it comes out? Is it bad to have marbles? What if they float? What if they don't? What if you don't poop for a week? What if you poop five times in a day?

I know my sister is worried that I will tell the "poop marbles falling out of her pajama bottoms" story, but I'll spare her and you. Then again, I guess I just did kinda tell the story, Reader's Digest version. Suffice it to say it is one of my absolute favorite childhood memories.

That's enough poop for one day. Remember "Poop For Peace Day." Spread the word. Spread your cheeks. Talk about poop. Embrace your poop.

Well, not literally. 

And, don't forget to wipe front to back. Front to back. Front to back.
********************************************************************************************