Thursday, May 26, 2016

There Still Ain't No Rhyme for Oranges

Where have I been, you ask?

I've been looking for god-dang Orioles, that's where I've been!!!

While the rest of you are out enjoying the Spring weather or enjoying your own flock of Orioles, I've been outside hanging oranges, pouring grape jelly and praying to the ornithologists of the world that an Oriole would at least mistakenly stop by and say hello.


Whenever I lament about this "problem," the listener always seem to note that they have a ton of Orioles in their yard. This leads me to think that some of you are hogging my Orioles. Please share a family with me, won't you?

Three Hawk and Argo have Orioles have Orioles hanging off their window screens, lolly-gagging on the deck, singing from the trees. AdamsTrail can't keep up with the grape jelly, as the birds are sucking it down as fast as she can fill the feeder. Oh, the envy I ooze!
 
At least the squirrels seem to enjoy my oranges. 

Later today, we will visit the Mad City to witness a nephew graduate from 8th grade.  I hear I'm supposed to look nice, so I best change my clothes. Who knew a t-shirt and jean shorts weren't appropriate? Oh wait--the wife, that's who.

This event begs the question: do YOU remember your eighth grade graduation? 

I do. Well, kind of. I can tell you what I wore. I can tell you where I sat. I know a male classmate gave the valedictorian speech. But, beyond that, it must not have been very memorable because I don't recall anything else. I asked the wife if she remembered her. She said they sang, "Day by Day" as part of the event. "It was very Catholic."  She mentioned that there was a "a fat, evil nun who would burp and pull her sweater across herself" involved in the ordeal. So, I guess she does remember quite a bit about it.  Those nuns know how to make an impression.

I haven't been to an eighth grade graduation since the Nieces graduated way back when. They wore white robes and looked quite regal. My sister got to sit on the stage because she is on the school board. There were a lot of students--many more than in my graduating middle school class. I can't say I dressed up for the events. And, there definitely were no nuns involved.

You couldn't pay me to go back to middle school. I think people (students AND parents) should get medals for surviving seventh and eighth grade. Everyone is stupid and hormonal.

The wife says she enjoyed teaching middle-schoolers back in the day. I think she is lying or delirious. Stupid and hormonal. Ugh.

As this evening's graduation is a Catholic endeavor at a Catholic church for a Catholic school, I'm guessing nuns and prayer will be involved...that is, if they have any nuns around. Those sisters seem to be hot commodities, as they are few in number. Maybe there won't be any nuns. At least we can be confident there won't be any mean, burping nuns.

Before we go, I'll change the grape jelly, in hopes a stray Oriole finds his/her way to our backyard. I shall keep the faith. Besides, I'm sure the hummingbirds will enjoy my free feast, so I have to keep the jelly flowing.

Keep the faith. Bring the birds. Burp a nun.  Sounds like a great day.
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Friday, May 13, 2016

There Ain't No Rhyme for Oranges

I sat down to write this blog over an hour ago. Instead of writing, I spent the entire time scrolling through pins of RDJ on Pinterest. 

I regret nothing. This week was fraught with stress, so I earned every minute of RDJ.

Suffice it to say that when one works at an agency, a suicide does not end with the actual event. The investigations, questions and blame go on. Amidst the circus, I refuse to let go of the fact that a life was lost. Lawyers, investigators, administration have forgotten. I have not.

As it is easy to imagine, anything I could have written over the past week would have paled in comparison to the situation of which I speak.

But, enough! I'm here to have fun. I'm here to tell you about my latest obsession....

....with oranges.

No, not the colors of the orange spectrum. Actual oranges.

Not to eat. Rather, to attract the elusive-in-our-yard Oriole.

I am obsessed with attracting Baltimore Orioles to our back yard. I've wanted to do this for years but it took until 2016 to take action on this goal. From my studies, I have learned that the color orange is of great interest to these fine birds. I also learned that the love oranges....hence, my orange fanaticism.

I've been putting oranges on the deck, on hangers, in trees and even the birdbath for the past few months, with hopes that an early start would better my chance of luring such birds into the yard.

Although I haven't attracted any Orioles, I have attracted ants.

I'm okay with this, as the ants attract other little birds, who come onto the deck and eat the ants. I get a mighty close look at those happy little song birds. Who knew that little songbirds would like ants for an afternoon snack?

The wife is not singing a happy little tune. She is not entertained by the ants. Or, the oranges. (Just wait until I put out the grape jelly for the hummingbirds. That should be ant haven and wife hell.)

The oranges seem to have given the squirrels something of which to ponder. I never thought they'd be interest in any citrus products but it appears they too like the taste of the fruit. They clean those oranges out, right down to the rind. It's pretty amazing, if you ask me.

But, the Orioles. Where are the Orioles? We have finches, warblers, wrens, sparrows, cardinals,  robins, blue jays, hawks, red-winged black birds, downy woodpeckers, crows and all those nasty grackles....but, I have yet to see--or hear--an oriole in our neck of the woods. Migration patterns suggest they should be here--and, perhaps already gone. They go north to make nests and shoot out babies. I know I started early enough, so maybe they didn't like my brand of oranges or they didn't see them or they didn't come through town. I have a second chance to attract them when they migrate south for the winter, so I'm not giving up; in fact, I've increased the intensity of my search....

...by purchasing an Oriole feeder. 

It's a beautiful orange birdhouse with a place to hang the oranges. Why, here's a photo of the one I purchases, as gleaned off the Internet. My version doesn't have birds involved. I think the wife likes this contraption a lot better than my "leave the oranges on the deck railing" approach. I have it hanging off the deck, in the open enough to see but protected a bit by the tree near by. After all, we don't want Orioles to be on the lunch buffet menu for the local hawk. (Oh, the feathers we have seen flying from the hawk's hunger.)

I assume the oranges will bring forth hummingbirds soon, so that will keep me entertained until the fall migration. After all, what goes north, must go south.

I plan to put oranges out all summer. If nothing else, they brighten up the yard. And, the ants are good for the peonies, so that's a bonus. And, who doesn't love to see a little squirrel eating an orange like it's corn on the cob?

This fall (assuming that I am too late for this spring), I will ensure I have fresh oranges for the taking any time of the day or night. I clean the grape jelly on a daily basis. I'll put out orange contruction cones if I have to. I will work tirelessly to get some Orioles to stop by and say hello.

Perhaps a photo of RDJ wearing orange will keep up my spirit until the orioles arrive....


I feel better already.