Saturday, June 27, 2015

Glitter and Rainbows

Well, well, well. 

I try not to be too political in my blog; after all, I'm here to babble about mindless dribble....but, I have to say something about the Supreme Court's ruling yesterday, bringing forth the legality of gay marriage (or, as I like to call it, marriage). I've easily managed to stay silent on Kaitlyn Jenner and the Confederate Flag and the Affordable Care Act. I leave that to others. This is not a place of which to speak on such things. This, though....this gay marriage ruling....of this I must speak.

To be honest, it's the day after the ruling and I STILL can't believe this ruling came down from above. I NEVER thought I'd see anything like this in my lifetime. It doesn't make sense to someone my age, from my era. My younger counterpart at work (20+ years younger) thought it was a no-brainer and didn't seem to even remotely grasp my awe, my disbelief, my stunned-into-silence reaction. He just thought it was great and didn't give it a second thought. I tried to explain to him how this is mind-boggling to someone my age and of my era but I could tell all he was thinking was "wow, she really IS a lot older than me!" Thank you, young people. You are refreshing to your elders.

Let me be clear: I respect those who disagree. After all, we as a human race can't agree on everything (or, much of anything, at times). I shall not harbor bad feelings. Besides, that would be doing what we wouldn't want want other people to be doing. No discrimination shall be set forth in this blog about the misinformed, judgmental, Bible-abusing bigots who fought long and hard (and still fight long and hard) to keep this ruling from coming to fruition.To all the "Christians" who are divorced or wear cotton blends or have tattoos and piercings and yet still throw Leviticus around.... seriously, I love you sinner, but I hate your sin.

Oh wait, that sounded a wee bit judgmental. Apologies to all my "true" Christian friends. You know, those who follow the teachings of Jesus and don't take things out of context and don't spew hate out of every orifice. You are truly a God-send and to you I say thank you.

I was at the eye doctor yesterday morning, so I was nowhere a TV or computer or any electronic device when the SCOTUS ruling was announced. I was waiting for the ophthalmologist to arrive when I received a text from the wife, asking me to call her as she had "great news." I texted back that I couldn't call her as I was at the eye doctor and asked her to text me instead of call, to give me a hint of her great news. Although my pupils had been dilated, I was still about to read her text: "It is a historic day as the Supreme Court just ruled that all states are now required to allow same-sex marriage!"

People who have always been able to get married cannot grasp how much that one-line text meant to me. It was really hard to sit in that chair, in that exam room, in that eye doctor's office after reading that text. It wasn't that I wanted to whoop and holler--I wanted to find someone my age and stand in silence and awe and disbelief with them. I wanted to say aloud how I never thought this was possible in my lifetime. I wanted to see the sources myself. I wanted to contemplate the meaning of all this. I wanted to be with the wife, the wife who will be my life no matter what state line we cross. I wanted to have a moment, a tear, something...

Instead, I was left in a room, alone with dilated eyes. 

Thankfully, texting worked just fine. That young co-worker of mine immediately texted to congratulate me, making the wife's text that much more real. It was true. Like it or not (and, there are a whole lot of folks that do not like it), it was the ruling. The eye doctor could have said, "your eyeballs are going to fall out of your head in the next 30 minutes" and I wouldn't have cared.

After reading the texts, I realized that the wife and I could now live wherever we wanted. Up until this point, we had to live in a state that recognized same-sex marriage--which meant no moving to Wisconsin. Now, the nation is ours to behold, to conquer, to reside.

(Note to the wife: do not have dreams of grandeur thinking we are moving to Wisconsin next week. I'm a flatlander and you need to respect my penny-head way of thinking. It's gonna take time to embrace anything cheese.)


This morning, twenty-four hours into this adventure, I am still in disbelief, stunned into a weird silence because I can't seem to put words on my thoughts and feelings. I can't fully wrap my mind around this whole thing. In an effort to put words on it, I used this as my FB status: "Woke up this morning, still in disbelief and awe about yesterday's ruling. My first thought: "Yup, world's still turning, sun's still shining." My second thought was, "I wonder if that ex-Pastor Rick Scarborough set himself on fire?" My third thought: "I've gotta remember to thank all the straight allies and Christians who made the difference every day." ...Let this beautiful day begin with rainbow photos and heartfelt gratitude!"

I am glad to hear that the ex-pastor guy didn't set himself on fire. That's not the way to celebrate.

I read many on-line articles this morning, from both "sides" of the fence. One was written by a pastor somewhere in the land of 10,000 lakes. "Using" Corinthians, he wrote about the sin of homosexuality, indicating that true Christians know "you're wrong" [it's wrong] AND "you're loved." (Thank god it was something other than Leviticus or other overused/misused Old Testament passage. Kudos to him for originality.) I chuckled because that is exactly how I think of this thing.....from either perspective, it is "you're wrong and you're loved." He is judging me as being wrong and I'm thinking about him as being wrong. See? We are the same creature, just standing in different places. I guess that makes us both wrong about being wrong. I'm all good with that. I'm guessing that he's not.

Side note: this whole "love the sinner, hate the sin" is getting old. Just sayin.' Seriously. You could use that saying for almost anything....the gays, the tattooed, the divorced. I hate your sin of divorce but love you as a divorcee.That's a whole lot of sinners in this great country. I'm gonna be busy loving all those sin-filled divorced friends.

Technically, today is no different than yesterday. The world IS still turning. We're still married, like we were the day before. I'm still gay. My co-worker is still straight. Freckles is still mostly blind and mostly deaf. FOX news is still on the air. (I thought it might have imploded last night, what with all this liberal nonsense going on in the nation.) The ex-pastor is still not charcoal-broiled. There are still four million Republican Candidates running for Presidency. I still wear glasses. We still live in Illinois.

But, today IS a whole lot different than yesterday. I suppose it's exciting if on one "side," terrifying if you're on the other side. The fight to repeal this decision is already under way. No surprise there. Mike Hucked-a-Bee has his undies in a bundle, as is true with many baggers of tea. Personally, I like this new era, this thing called marriage equality. On paper, it's now equal. In reality, it is not--try getting married in the south or ask Faux News what they think. (Call that non-burning preacher--bet he'd like to do the ceremony).

We as a people do not have equality of many kinds in this great nation of ours. We have a long way to go overall. But, this new marriage era brings our nation a wee bit closer to equality and for that I am profoundly grateful.

Today, let us spew glitter and shit rainbows.

Today, let us celebrate.

Today, let us not set anyone on fire.

Today. let us not have hate for anyone or anything.

Today, let's just be.

Today, let's get our happy on.

Glitter and rainbows, people. Glitter and rainbows.










Saturday, June 20, 2015

Solstice Ponderings

Tomorrow is June 21st, making it the longest day of the year. Happy Summer Solstice 2015.

Although.....today might be the longest day of the year, as I had gum in my pants pocket and the pants got washed....with the wife's brand new pants....which are now sporting my gum. Long day ahead. My gum causes her great angst. I feel very badly and will certainly buy her new pants...efforts using ice, goo-gone and perhaps even some hot white vinegar or peanut butter are happening as I type. I shall stay far away and wave my credit card when approached.

Freckles Warrior Princess turned 105 years old yesterday. Well, okay--she turned 15 but she seems like 105. We celebrated the arrival of her 15th year with the consumption of a McD's hamburger (she ate it, not us). Although old and crusty, she keeps plugging along, kind of like a slower version of the Energizer Bunny.

When I pondered her 15 years on the planet, I realized that when she was born:
--9/11 had yet to happen.
--The world hadn't ended six months prior, not did the computers and electronics come to a screeching halt.
--Facebook, Myspace and Gmail didn't exist.
--The Dixie Chicks were still in the "red states" favor.
--I still had my appendix, I had 75% less tattoos and I was using a camera that required film and a pager at work. Cell phone? What cell phone? I had to go find a pay phone to return pages.
My, my, my--how much has happened in her tenure on the planet.

Freckles is a relic, a survivor, a mystery. How on earth this puppy-mill escapee is still alive--and managed outlive her younger sister--is beyond me. She must still have stuff to teach us. Thankfully, she hasn't been dropping any "marbles" lately, so that's an improvement. Unfortunately for her, it appears she may have some very serious tooth decay....and, that's gonna require attention. Her breath can curl your hair at thirty paces. We await the dog dental lady's call to learn more. The decisions will be difficult but we'll figure it out, one thing at a time.

Earlier in the week, we took a jaunt to Pittsburgh with the Gaybors. It was a deliciously wonderful time, filled with food and fun. Personally, I'm all about the food, as evidenced by gaining three pounds in one week. Let me tell you about the food. We ate what I am sure is the biggest pretzel I will ever see in my entire life; in fact, it was so big that the four of us struggled to get through this appetizer. I daresay it had enough cheese on it to constipate an entire third world country. The photo does not do it justice. The wife enjoyed perusing the food trucks and learned about haluski. We gorged ourselves at a Pirates baseball game and found time to eat at an Eat 'n Park--something of which I had never heard. I must say that my Eat n Park 1200-calorie sundae was delicious and it appeared everyone enjoyed their menu selections.

Perhaps you are not familiar with Pittsburgh. I certainly wasn't. We went there because the gaybors scored some kick-ass tickets to a Pirates game. Well, I'm here to tell you that if you have never been to this city, you should go--it is a delightful city with much to do.

If you steal this photo, please give me credit. Don't make me chase you down.

I don't know why I was surprised that Pittsburgh was such a great destination, but I was. I apologize to you, fair city. It's clean, so that's a plus. There's tons of history, 400+ bridges, pro football, pro baseball, pro hockey and three rivers. Three rivers meeting in one place! Everyone--except the one waitress we had at the Eat 'n Park-- was very nice. The scenery is very beautiful--I had no idea Pittsburgh is hilly. Such an ignorant flatlander am I.  The roads and bridges seemed very confusing, but I wasn't driving so I didn't have to sweat that. Don't get me wrong--it's not an island beach resort, so if that's what you're looking for, keep driving (and swimming, as the case may be). But, if you are looking for a place with good ethnic food, lots of sports, culture and history, this is a great place to spend a few days.

Well, all sounds quiet on the gum front, so I'm gonna take a chance and grab some breakfast..... Happy Birthday to Freckles, Happy Civil Union Anniversary to the wife, Happy Father's Day to Father John and Happy Solstice to All!



Thursday, June 11, 2015

Vacation-a-go-long-ago-go

It's that time of year where folks are thinking about vacations, which got us thinking about how much vacationing has changed over the past many decades. The wife and I were very entertained when reminiscing about what used to be involved in planning/taking a vacation.

I dedicate this blog to all of those who were not alive before the advent of the Internet (for those of you born after 1985).

The wife: "Remember how we used to have to get Traveler Checks? How we had to figure out how much money to get in Traveler Checks? How we had to go and get the Traveler's Checks from the Bank or Triple A?"

Me: "Remember how we would order "Trip-tiks" from Triple A so we would have maps and travel information when driving somewhere on vacation? I loved Trip-tics!"

The wife: "There were no cell phones to call for help or assistance."

Me: "A cell phone would have come in handy when we got locked out of the rental car in California. Remember how we had to walk seven miles in our beach shoes because we couldn't call the rental car place to come help us? Three hours of walking in beach shoes. Oh, the blisters!"

The wife: "We're old."


No cell phones.
No Google Maps.
No navigational systems in the car.
No Internet.
No debit cards.
Gas stations that weren't open 24 hours a day.
Gas stations that weren't open seven days a week.
Smoking on airplanes.
Smoking anywhere you wanted.
(Raise your hand if you remember the days of people smoking at their desks.)

Deciding where to go on vacation required a trip to a travel agent, the library, Triple A ....or, was based on slide shows friends and family showed you of where they had been. (Yes, slide shows.) Travel agents had all the cool color brochures. Whether you wanted to go to Disneyland or Washington D.C., travel agents had the information, all on shiny gloss paper. If you were feeling adventurous (or didn't belong to Triple A), you could buy a road atlas and hit the road.

Once at the location of choice, you had to figure things out--the sites, the food, the events, the local attractions....no Googling about where to go or what to do.

In order to secure flight arrangements, one had to call the airlines (using the phone book to find out the number) or use a travel agent. No comparison shopping on the Internet, as there was no Internet or mobile apps. Since you couldn't "see" the prices, you had to hope for the best. Your tickets were mailed to you--hard copy on card stock, most likely with carbon copies attached. No electronic check-in.

Ditto for hotel reservations. No Internet to peruse the areas of interest. No website to comparison shop. You called the hotel chain of choice and hoped for the best.

Since there were no cell phones or email or social media, you had to tell someone where you were going....that way, if you were lost at sea or chopped into little pieces by a psycho-mass murdered, someone would have an idea of your most recent whereabouts. Once on vacation, nary a person could call or find you unless they knew your itinerary.

Imagine, pre-internet youngsters, riding in the car, hours at a time without video gaming systems or TVs in the car. No I-Pass. No satellite. No CDs or MP3 music--it was cassettes (or, 8 tracks) or AM radio. No instrument panel telling you how many miles of gas you had left. Hour after hour. State by State. Soft rock song after soft rock song.

There was no Weather Channel. You had to guesstimate. You didn't know what weather might or might not be coming to your chosen destination. Better to bring too many clothes than not enough. Once at the destination, you knew what the weather was and was going to be because you were standing in it.

Youngsters, you know what the best part about vacationing of long ago?

Being on vacation meant being on vacation. 

No virtual office.
No working on-line.
No texting.
No emailing.
No webcams.
No being bombarded by 24 hour news.
No being at everyone's beckon call.
No cell phone cameras or social media to distract you from looking at the sites. You actually looked at the sites, enjoyed them, remembered them in your head.
No electronics running out of power with no re-charging source.
No staring at a screen of one type or another.
No ignoring one and other by wearing headphones the entire trip.
No alarm on the watch.

Unless you were standing next to a pay phone or standing in a hotel room next to a land line, you were cut off from the world. What a glorious thing!

Security at airports was minimal, so there were no long lines. You didn't have to have anyone check your shoes or your three ounce shampoo bottles. You got dressed up (after all, flying was an event, not just a mode of transportation) and waited patiently at the gate.

Playing the "Alphabet Game" or finding the most state license plates or counting the numbers of various-colored cars while on the road led to many hours of family fun. Trip-tiks were the coolest things ever invented. Talking and playing board games required face-to-face interaction. A.M. radio wasn't that bad.

Being in the "vacation here and now" zone sure beats being focused on your phone, reading work emails while on the beach or updating your status.

Ah, don't get me wrong--I'm all for today's modern vacation conveniences. Credit cards, the Internet, ATM machines, satellite maps and cell phones have made travel much easier, safer and more accessible. I don't want to go back. I'm just a wee bit saddened about the loss of being able to be on vacation while on vacation.

I don't miss people smoking on airplanes and I don't miss carrying Traveler Checks.

I do miss being off the grid.  

The wife and I are destined to go on a vacation or two this summer. Perhaps I can convince her (and, convince myself) to not wear a watch and to not check our email every hour.

It's time to do less scrolling and a lot more living. 

Think I can still get a Trip-tik?








Saturday, June 06, 2015

Glue Garden

Pre-blog note: I can hear the Blue Angels in the distance. The Airfest is in town and the Angels are the current entertainment. Oh, how I love a good Airfest! Three Hawk and Argo, it may be time to go again! I will always be indebted to you for joy experienced during on that glorious plane-filled day.

I've been writing this blog for almost a decade (who knew?). It's always been delightful and I've enjoyed every minute. (It's also been therapeutic--I hope none of you ever decide to send me a bill for all that free therapy I'm getting from you.) That said, I've been feeling much less creative in the blogging department over the past many months and haven't been able to figure out why. I pondered this while eating a ginormous BK ice cream cone today. Then, it came to me.

Dang it! It's the scourge of the earth interfering with my blogging......Facebook! The evil darling of social media has me in its grips and it is there where I spew spontaneous babbling. It's the ultimate in instant gratification. What I used to say in a blog, I now say in one week's worth of status updates. Those I-think-are-witty Facebook Statuses (stati?) fall out of me without thought, consuming my fodder there instead of here. I've been accidentally impinging on my blog.

As Bad Wolf would tell the War Doctor, "No more." I spit on you, Book de la Face. I'll repeat myself if I have to but you won't defeat me. The Addiverse will always come first.

(Kudos to ANYONE who knows what the hell I'm talking about when I say, "NO MORE.")

Today, I decided to do some gardening while the wife is hanging with her family in the Cheddarlands. (I should probably do NOTHING when she goes out of town because something always happens.) I'm on weed patrol and that's usually safe, no matter where the wife might be, so I pulled out a few gardening tools (none of which use engines or power) and got to work. As I was pulling weeds, I noticed how bad the forsythia looked. They've struggled through a couple of hard winters and have morphed into more dead branches than anything else. They barely produce a handful of yellow flowers--very disappointing. I've been talking about pruning them for the past year or two but somehow have never gotten that far. So, as I'm standing there, I notice that what I think is some-hopeful growth is the start of a weed tree--one overzealous weed is taking over one of the bushes. (No wonder that one looked the greenest and healthiest!). That was the impetus I needed. One cannot let a weed tree win. With loppers in hand, I started lopping. And, lopping. I lopped like there was no tomorrow.

Trimming hedges and bushes is a lot like cutting bangs. You cut some, step back, and then cut more. You step back again and think, "Hmmmm, I've got to straighten that out." That's when the madness begins. Cut, straighten, cut, straighten. We all know what happens with bangs--they end up way too short and they remain crooked. Same thing with the forsythia....they were whittled down and thinned out like the worst case of bangs.

For the record, I stopped and left bushes of them tall and scraggly, just so I can show the wife how bad it really looks. I also saved the weed tree so I can show her how big that sucker was--we're talking six feet.

I did get a word of encouragement from the neighbor, so that was reassuring. As I'm lopping, I hear her yell, "you're doing a great job!" I must have looked skeptical as she added, "They really needed to be cut down. They'll come back in no time."

Let's hope the wife is okay with crooked bangs.

After lopping, I did a loop around the gardens, pulling out the bigger weeds. As I perused the various flower beds, I noticed one of the wife's ceramic ducks was beheaded. The duck had fallen over and had broken. I picked up the pieces and noted it was a clean break, easy to fix. I remembered I have super glue in my car and thought I'd fix the issue and move on.

Well, the super glue gave me a run for the money. Of course it did. The top didn't want to come off and when it finally did, the glue wouldn't flow. Oh, it eventually worked and the duck is as good as new but I ended up having more super glue on my fingers than on the duck. This made me chuckle, as it brought back memories of gluing my fingers together (purposely) in high school. We all did that at one time or another....

I shouldn't have chuckled so soon.

I wasn't chuckling when I realized my wedding ring was glued to my finger.

The glue had run down my finger and sealed the deal. It wasn't fully stuck to my finger, so it wasn't too terrifying but there was no way that ring was gonna spin around or come off without taking some skin with it. What to do, what to do?

Go get ice cream. That's what to do.

I loaded Freckles into the car and did just that--I went and got the biggest vat of ice cream seventy five cents can buy. When life gives you lemons, forget the lemonade--go get ice cream. It clears the mind and soothes the soul.

I'm here to say that everything turned out just fine, skin in tack and ring removed. It did not require a trip to the ER, the use of a caustic chemical, or a metal cutter, so you know I'm pleased with the result. Talk about a sigh of relief.

I'm glad this was resolved before the wife crossed the state line and returned home. It's hard to explain these things to her. She just shakes her head and gives me "the teacher look." I'd like to think she's amused by my antics but I'm pretty sure she is not. That "teacher look" says it all.

I got rid of the super glue. I don't want the wife to tell me I need to super glue some of the pruned forsythia branches back on....and, I don't want her super-gluing me to anything. Call me prudently cautious.

Prune-dently cautious, indeed.