Sunday, November 27, 2011

That's a Mouthful
We continue our efforts to break Lucy, Bark of Poteidaia, of her dental-decaying habit.  While many of you were out pepper-spraying or shooting at each other on Black Friday, we were home trying to rid Lucy of her life-long oral fixation. This is not going well.  She falls asleep, I gently pry the toy out of her mouth.  She promptly wakes up, goes and gets another toy.  Repeat three times.  I give up before she does.  It's not like I can explain the Binky Fairy is coming to take the nook away.  This is hardcore.  This makes Black Friday shopping look like child's play.

Since it's not looking promising in the habit-breaking department, I've been on line all morning seeking doggie dental products that may be of use.  The good news is the concoction for drinking water that cost me $32 at the vet is only $16 on line-- Score! I just cut my cost in half.  (The hardest part with the water-drinking stuff is training the wife--she is ALWAYS changing the dog water....I have to break her of this, as she is throwing away my chemicals!)  I'm considering tooth-brushing options, drinking-water-based solutions, special bones, special treats, special whatever it takes.  As part of my endeavor, I've been reading reviews about various doggie dental-related products, some of which gave me pause--why do some of the drinking water products feature ingredients that are considered poisonous to dogs?  Why do others basically feature bleach? The price was enticing and the promises enthralling, but I decided to skip those options--I've spent enough all ready, don't need to purposefully poison the pups.

Wonder if I could floss her teeth?  (I'm having a visual.)

As for the one-eyed wonder, she is getting used to me chasing her around at least five times a day stuffing one product or another into her eye. I must say, the eye boogers are looking much better.  Maybe it's because I'm getting more medicine IN her eye instead of everywhere else besides in her eye.  My secret?  First, I explained to her that we will be doing this for the rest of her life so she might as well just go with it.  She's smarter than most 5th graders, so she understood this. Secondly, I went on line and watched videos about how to put eye medication in a dog.  Made me much more efficient and confident. She still doesn't like it--after all, what's to like about having some goop-gel-gunk put in your eye by some half-wit human? I give her a lot of credit--she doesn't run away and she doesn't wiggle when I do my best to get the medicine right the first time. She's still blind but the meds make life a whole lot better for her.  I know Santa is watching and will bring her some extra-special toys...she earned them this year.

I'm off to find Cyber Monday sales on doggie dental and canine eyeball products after I make sure Lucy isn't napping with a toy in her mouth......

......ooooh, I see someone is not looking very happy about me coming toward her...this is NOT a staged photo!  I see she's got an assortment of toys close at hand....I know she's saying, "Go ahead, take one--I've got plenty more from where those came from, bitch." Oh my. Those glowing eyes say it all:



STOP.MESSING.WITH.MY.TOYS!

I think I'll stick to on-line shopping and step away from the dentally-challenged pup for now.......

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Planes and Trains and Memory Lanes

Thank you to Wicky for the info on saving my blog (saving as in keeping a copy--not saving from poor grammar or sophomoric content and certainly not saving in the Baby Jesus way). It is appreciated!  The thought of losing my ramblings is enough to send me to therapy.  I am proud to be your first wife of a wife!

Update on Lucy: Oh my my my.  She is healing very nicely, thank you for asking.  I can't say that the surgery slowed her eating down very much.   We will be out of pain pills today, so that should be telling.  Now that I've been able to take a gander in that little mouth of hers, I have personally witnessed that she basically has no teeth on the lower right side.  I am not exaggerating.  No teeth--just a lot of gums.  How did we miss all those teeth falling out of there? We didn't see any in her poop (and, trust me, we exam dog poop around here--we are professional dog poop inspectors).  We never saw any on the floor or in her bed or anywhere.  Perhaps there is a little pile of teeth hidden in some corner of the house.  Maybe Freckles at them and that's why her poop was so weird way back when.  Maybe the wife's been serving them to me--hidden in a ball of tofu or maybe in my bowls of cereal--in an attempt to get me to turn from my vegetarian ways....


BTW, here is visual evidence that Lucy sleeps with stuff animals in her mouth....the most likely culprit of her dental decay:
 
Thanksgiving.  How did we get to Thanksgiving so quickly?  Can it already that time of year when people ooze gratitude and throw boatloads of money at various business establishments? Where does the time go? Wasn't it just a week ago that the Packers were winning the Super Bowl and the snow plow guy was crashing into our garage door? Wasn't it just a few days ago that we were getting civilized? Alas, you avid readers already know that I am grateful about many things, so I'll skip that for today.  Instead, I shall speak of last weekend's stroll down memory lane.

The wife and I were in the Chicago suburbs last weekend for various events, including our beloved aunt's memorial service.  (It's all good--I said good bye to her three years ago, so I went to celebrate her life, not mourn her death. Hope that doesn't come off as cold or uncaring....as it is most certainly not what I mean.  I mourn for her children and send them heartfelt condolences.  But, for her I had smiles.)  On the way to the cemetery, I subjected the wife to yet another rendition of memory lane.  She's been tormented countless times with this tour--whenever we drive by my old stomping grounds, I narrate the trip, historic markers of the Addiverse.  As usual, I pointed out my junior high school, my orthodontist, my church, my grandparents' house, the gazebo, the factory where my aunt had worked.  I told her of the ubiquitous trains that always made you late, of living in the landing pattern of O'Hare, of riding my bike down the arteries of gravel alleys--the sounds of these three things make me giddy--there is nothing like a bike tire crunching on the gravel in the alley, hearing a train chugging down the tracks in the distance or the thunder of the jet roaring off the runway. I lamented about how the town's bowling alley had been turned into a church (a church!), how some of my favorite local landmarks were missing.  I recalled happy memories of Christmas Eves long ago, of visiting my family just blocks from my childhood home.  I explained how we would try to guess the color of the caboose and count the cars of the yet-another passing train. I took a long look at my grandparents home as we went by, as that is also where my mother, aunt and her children lived.  I paid due respects as we meandered toward my aunt's service.

When we got to the cemetery, I learned that my sister had done literally the same thing as she was driving, torturing--eer, I mean educating--her daughters and friends with the same stories of old.  Funny how we all tend to do that.  The wife will make fun of me and my sister for doing this, but she's just as guilty as we--I've heard the same stories about the same landmarks from her childhood......"there's where my brother lost all his holy cards while riding his bike to church...."  Guilty, as charged.

As we were standing in the cemetery chapel for the service, I could hear the horn of a passing train.  It gave me pause. It was loud.  It was a wee bit distracting. I realized I was out of practice--the others probably didn't even hear the train whistle.   While standing graveside, planes continued to fly overhead, this time toward (not away) from the runway.  I'm probably the only one who was looking up at the sky as much as I was looking down at the ground.  Those two minor things, those two things that everyone in town either no longer notices or hates with a passion, made me feel right at home.  The gritty colors, the factories, the soot....all part of "home," even though it's a home that hasn't existed for me in thirty years.  Although I wouldn't ever want to live there again and even though I've lived where we now live longer than anywhere else in my life, it is good to have somewhere in the world you can call "home."

They say "Home is where the heart is."  In my case, home is where the soot and the traffic and the noise and the grime is.  Home is where you get caught by yet another train--sometimes even two at a time.  Home is where you can see the landing gear of an approaching airplane or have to stop a conversation because you can't hear over the jet engines.  Home is where I can find a bowling alley that has been converted into a church. 

Happy Thanksgiving.  May you be home where your heart is.  May your heart be where your home is.

Thursday, November 17, 2011

A Canine is a Canine without a Canine

Well, the tooth fairy has come and gone.  She certainly did not leave money, as all the money was left at the vet's office.

Lucy's dental surgery went much, much smoother than planned, but not for the "right" reasons.  Seems she has so much dental disease that the tooth in question basically fell right out with barely a tug.  This, the tooth that was supposed to require cutting and cracking and all sorts of surgical motions.  Ploop! Out it came, all in one piece.  Although good for her healing, a bad sign in regards to dental health.

In case you are wondering, yes I got to keep the tooth. Why, there is it, right in front of Lucy's drugged eyes.  ("Dude, that tooth is soooo gnarly.")

I am sad to report that another tooth was removed (with nary a pull) and a whole boatload are hanging on by the.....well, by the skin of their teeth. "We could have pulled out that other really loose one...several right here are loose."  The hope is that all that dental cleaning will fix the gums, which will save the teeth.....time will tell.

While talking to the vet about how "easy" the tooth came out, I asked if the vet if still had the tooth.  She brightened right before my very eyes and exclaimed, "Yes! Would you like to see it?"  She seemed genuinely intrigued by my question.  The vet scooted to the back office and returned quickly with the carnassial in hand.  I held the bloody poor-excuse for a tooth in my palm and inquired, "Can I keep this?"  She laughed and indicated that it was all mine as, "well, you paid for it!"

In the meantime, our kitchen counter has become "money pit central:"

Lucy has three different meds, special water drops and special treats that I am told are designed to remove tartar.  I had to create a written schedule because I couldn't keep up with when I was supposed to be giving her each of the meds.  Thankfully, this regiment will only be in place for one week; from there, it's no more meds but does include the special water, special treats AND daily tooth brushing.  Freckles has three kinds of eye meds, of which I will only have to use one kind once the boogers are fully cleared.  (I haven't broken it to her that this will be for the rest of her life--well, unless a doggie miracle happens, which might happen....one can hope.) Even though she's blind in that eye, she can see me coming.  It's tough to get that little sausage out from under the bed.

I feel absolutely horrible about the state of Lucy's mouth.  The pain she must have been in and we had no clue.  The wife and I have been doing a lot of research (hindsight is foresight) and everything we read suggests that Lucy had to have been in much pain.  Since she never missed a meal, remained happy and perky and never gave a sign, we had no idea.  What a trooper.  It is easy to see she is in pain now, as she looks sad, whimpers just a wee bit now and then, and has a pained expression, if you can believe that.  She never looked like that before surgery.  The only sign was her horrible breath. I am so, so, so sorry, beloved Bark of Poteidaia.

The good news is she is still eating like a pig.  Like her mama, she's never missed a meal.

I think I've figured out what happened with her teeth.  It's really bothered me, as she eats dry kibble and chews bones and does all those things I thought were good for her teeth. (Well, besides not brushing her teeth I thought I was doing all the right things.) Why Freckles' teeth remain fine and Lucy's don't really perplexed me.  But, at 3 AM, when I was sleeping on the couch with Lucy and I was staring at her, it dawned on me:

She always sleeps with a toy in her mouth:



Here she is this morning, demonstrating this habit she has had since her earliest of days.

My tenure in the dental world and my interest in oral hygiene should have alerted me to the potential for horrible tooth decay as related to this habit.  If you sleep with something in your mouth all night (and, whenever you take a nap), your mouth dries out.  A dry mouth is VERY bad for your teeth and is very good for developing gum disease.  Sigh.

At 3:01 AM, I removed the toy from her mouth, thinking "better late than never," with ambitions of breaking her of this harmful habit right there and then.  At 3:02 AM, she hopped off the couch, went and got another toy and quickly went back to sleep.  Sigh.

One thing at a time, baby Jesus.  First, I'll focus on finishing up the meds.  Second, I'll work on the tooth brushing.  Third, I'll work on breaking this "sleeping with toy in mouth" habit...... 

.....finally, I'll beat the crap out of the tooth fairy if she heads this way again any time soon.  You have been warned.

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Today's excitement: allowing Lucy to eat anything and everything she could possibly want (in consideration of tomorrow's surgery, of course).  Well, besides ice cream--I was afraid that might hurt her tooth/tooth root/infection/what-not.   That's really kind of unfair, considering that ice cream is her favorite food of all.  I'm happy to report her face looks a bit better, now that the anti-biotics have kicked in.  Can't really tell what's going on in there, as the hair is all matted and blecky.  I am sure I will pay extra to have that hot mess cut out of her hair.  Better them than me, as they can do it while she's unconscious and I'd have to chase her like a greased pig.

This is a photo of Lucy when she was just a pup.  She's brushing her teeth on a chakram.  Look at those eye lashes!  Please put out good thoughts for her surgery--especially her recovery process. 

My guilt over the whole tooth thing builds each and ever time someone asks: "Don't you brush your dog's teeth?"  Um, no.  No, I don't.  I have never brushed any canine canines.  I can't tell you how many people have asked this.  Hello! We didn't brush dog teeth in the 1970's.  Dogs just had teeth and that's all there was to it.  There were no root canals. There wasn't special doggie toothpaste.  I really didn't think brushing dog teeth was at the top of canine care.  I have been proven wrong.

Of course, starting tooth brushing when your dog is 11.5 years old and 9 years old may give new meaning to teaching an old dog a new trick.  I may have to take video of this so we can all have a good laugh.  It might be even funnier than me trying to put that eye goop in Freckles' blind eye four times a day......

This past weekend's excitement: making the annual Holiday card.  It's a time-intensive ordeal, the pressure building each year.  I had an AWESOME idea for this year's card, but the wife poo poo-ed it.  I am so bitter about that--it would have been by far my best creation ever. It would have been a HUGE hit and a great laugh--at our expense, of course.  I'd use the idea next year (when she's had time to see the humor in it) but it won't be as funny, as I believe timing is everything and this year is the time--after all, we won't be getting civilized again (well, not that I know of).  You know it had to be risky if I asked her about it....I have never asked before...I just make the cards, seal the envelopes, mail them and then show her what I did.  If only!  If only I had just gone ahead and done it....it would've been the best card of the year. 

Sigh.  I'm getting wimpy in my old age.

This year, I went with a simple theme of which I shan't speak.  Suffice it to say: if you thought about it long enough, you would know the theme of the card.  It's based on the most important event of the year--from the wife's perspective.  Hint: It's not Freckles going blind in one eye or having a brush with death.  It's not Lucy's tooth issue.  It's not her back surgery.  It's not our civil union.  It's not even the purchase of her new car.

That's all I'm saying.
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Thursday, November 10, 2011

Just the Tooth

I am a bad, bad, bad, bad mama.

I have been complaining about how bad Lucy, Bark of Poteidaia's breath has been lately but really didn't think much about it, especially since she saw the vet two weeks ago for her annual check-up.  The vet and I talked about the doggie dentist and I had decided to get Lucy's teeth cleaned next February--it's Doggie Dental Month, featuring 10% discount.  Lucy got a clean bill of health, unlike her money pit sister. 

That same day, she developed a sore under her eye--looked like she had been scratching a bug bite or something and managed to give herself quite the yucky sore.  (If you look at the photo, you can see the black blob of matted hair.  Yum.)  For two weeks, I've watched it ooze and bleed and god knows what else. I've slept on the couch while holding her so she wouldn't scratch at it.  I've tried to cut the matted yuckies out of her moustache but wasn't very successful.  I tried to keep it clean but it's been rather futile.  She hasn't missed a meal, has been snarfing down treats, didn't seem in pain except when I'd try and touch it, but....

...I decided it might be getting infected (or, at least had the potential of developing an infection), so I called the vet and set up an appointment.  Amazingly, they were able to get me right in.

Well, well, well.  Here's where the bad mama part comes in.

All I wanted was for the vet to remove the muck, check for infection and fix her right up.  I never thought it was anything more than an infected scratch or some freakish bug bite (kinda like the ones I had on my butt many a month ago). The vet tech welcomes the dogs (yes, Freckles was along--they actually love going to the vet and I always take them both, no matter the reason--might as well let Money Pit #1 enjoy a stress free trip to the vet), takes a look, looks a wee bit perplexed....

I can tell there is something wrong, even though she is very casual about things....she tells me the vet will be right in....and leaves me to stare wonderingly at the Bark of Poteidaia.

Dr. Dog comes in, picks up Lucy, gives her a kiss and without missing a beat says to the vet tech, "Well! What do you think?"  The vet tech nods--they look directly at each other, nodding.  Dr. Dog turns to me, calls me over to the exam table and says, much to my surprise:

"That's not a scratch.  That's her tooth."

HER TOOTH!   

Dear god, my dog's tooth is sticking OUT OF HER FACE!  I am a BAD, BAD, BAD, BAD MAMA!  MY DOG HAS A TOOTH ROOT STICKING OUT OF HER FACE AND I DIDN'T KNOW IT!

Seems her root got infected, which per the vet is quite common in such dogs, and the oozing and icky part is part of the root basically sticking out of her face.  Dr. Dog opened Lucy's mouth and showed me her gums and mouth.  Oh.my.goodness. No wonder her breath has been so disgusting.  I should take a photo of those gums, abscesses and what nots.

Geez, so much for my five years in the dental field.  In my defense, I guess most people don't have teeth sticking out of their faces....into their sinuses, yes.  I've seen teeth roots weasel their way into sinus cavities.  Out of their cheeks or eye orb, no.

Bad mama.

And, so Money Pit # 2 needs to have dental surgery.  There's no other real option that I can figure.  It's not like she can walk around with a tooth root sticking out of her face while the abscess ooooozes every which way. She'll be on pain meds and antibiotics for the next few days and then it's off to have some major dental work.  Figures it's the biggest tooth in her mouth.  The vet tech handed me the estimate.  She looked almost apologetic.  I wasn't surprised at all.....

....because the cost of the surgery will be almost exactly equal to the bonus I am scheduled to get at work in two weeks.

The Universe works that way.  It's actually genius.  Talk about being grateful about getting a bonus.  It's a tough gig out there, with no raises to be had for almost everyone I know, so I've been tickled pink to know a bit of cold, hard cash is coming my way.  A little bonus at the holidays is very appreciated by me.  And now, I appreciate it even more.

Some people might be very bitter that their bonus is about to go into a dog's mouth for doggie dental surgery. Not me.  I may be a bad, bad, bad mama but I am a very appreciative one--I'm all good with spending the money I wouldn't usually have on some dog-related expense.   The Universe gave me just what I needed.

As long as they give me the tooth to keep and I still have a few bucks to buy a new pair of shoes, I'll be all good with it.

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P.S. Oh, and to the Universe: Let's be clear.  The vet mentioned that it is not uncommon for this to happen on BOTH sides of the mouth--when it happens to one, it often happens later to the other side.  This will NOT be happening.  Not at all.  I have total faith in you,in Lucy and in me that this will not be happening.  Thank you for your consideration.
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Surgery is set for 11/16/11.  Will keep you posted!  Happy 11/11/11. 

Sunday, November 06, 2011

Hello Friend

We went and saw Bill Cosby last night at a local venue.  As there are no reviews to be found in our local rag (oh, THERE'S a surprise!), I thought I'd write a few tidbits about the show.  I've never seen Dr. Bill in person before, so that was rather fun.  We didn't buy the tickets--they were a gift from two dear friends, which is good because I don't know if I would have ever purchased tickets to see a comedian (I gave away my ticket to see Ellen way back when, so you know I'm not much for seeing comedians "on tour.")   We had 5th row, center seats, so it was great--we could see all the hilarious facial expressions he makes (and, he makes a lot of them). I'm very glad our friends had the smarts to send me to see him--not only is he an American icon, he's just plain funny.  I'm glad I got to see part of history, because he really is historic.  My stream-of-conscious thoughts....

(1) He's a tall fellow, much taller than I ever realized.  That really doesn't have anything to do with his show, but it did take me by surprise. I guess I was expecting a four foot midget or something.  (Can I say midget? I think that's considered very offensive now. The wife says I'm supposed to say "little person."  Okay, so I was expecting a four foot little person....but, is four feet small enough to be a little person or is that too big?  Sigh.  I was expecting someone shorter.)

(2) He's a casual guy.  He was wearing a grey hooded sweatshirt, grey sweat pants, black socks and slip-on sandal-type shoes.  I liked it.  Made him present as your grandpa sitting in the living room, telling stories in slow motion.  Since that was his goal (to make it like he was talking to us in the living room), he succeeded.

(3) The "hello friend" screened onto his sweatshirt and placed on the back of his chair is purposeful.  I had heard or seen it before, but I had no idea what it meant...a name of a book? A title of a skit? A tag line from a show? No, it's a tribute to his son (who was murdered in the 1990's).  I had no idea and had to google it when I came home.  I am so out of the loop.  He didn't mention why he had that on his shirt and he never said it (well, not that I heard) but it's about his son, who according to Wiki (and we all know that that site is ALWAYS right--cough cough!) used to say that when he would meet people.

(4) He is a lot funnier in person than on TV.  Case in point: he was on Letterman the night before he was in town and I didn't laugh. Not once.  I didn't get it.  I thought his topic was funny but there was something wrong.  After seeing him in concert, I get it--it's not that he isn't funny--it's just that TV doesn't allow him to emit the humor he is afforded on stage, in person.  TV is about speed and punch-lines and getting to the point. It's not personal.  We live in snippets.  His slow banter in a five minute interview is not what he is about. On stage, he is afforded the luxury of building the story, making expressions, playing off the audience, developing a rapport.  I loved his TV shows, but that's different.  TV shows aren't live. In person, he just oozes what he needs to ooze to be funny.

(5) Three stories can take 90 minutes to tell....and, it's wonderful.  Three stories! Maybe two and a half stories--depends on how you count.  Any more would have been too much.  I'm not sure what today's youngsters would think about this, but for the audience, it was just right. 

(6) He lives on the east coast.  I had no idea. Why I pictured him in California, I don't know.  Where have I been, under a rock?

(7) Sit near the front.  If you can go, make sure you spend the money to sit close.  His facial expressions really are priceless.  Oh sure, you can see them on the big screen, but they are funnier "live." 

(8) Clean can be fun.  No need for raunchy.  No need for filth.  No need for swear words or shock.  Good, clean fun.  Yum!

Makes me want to go eat some Jell-o.