Thursday, August 30, 2007

Crawling along in the Addiverse

A bit more about the Tie Rod expenditures: Wild Mama had a great point--Dave Ramsey would note how great it is that I had to pay for repairs and not repairs AND a car payment. Touche.

Anyhoo, I was thinking about how it really kind of sucks that I have to spend $1000 on something I can't really see. After all, the wife spends a load on new tile for the bathroom floors--we get to look at it every single day. Me? I get expensive new auto parts and can't see a thing. What to do? Why, what else but lay down on the garage floor and take some photos of the new auto parts:Oooooooooh! Pretty! (The new parts are free of rust and crud. I feel the love!) I took several photos for my own enjoyment but will only torture you with this one. By the way, it's pretty hard to take photos of the underside of a car without actually getting under the car. But, I was on my way to work and didn't have time for that. I did the best I could while on my "get to work by 6:35 AM" time schedule. (Dang, I'm back to getting to work early. I was doing so well for awhile....back to the early hour. It's the wife's fault. She throws my timing off when she goes back to school....)

As long as I'm sharing photos of life in the Addiverse, I thought I'd show you what those damned Japanese Beetles did to our tree--they stripped the leaves almost bare. Take a gander at these two photos from our back yard:It's amazing what those little buggers can do in such a short time....

And now, for the Xena update you've been waiting for--I'm almost done with Season Four. Lemme tell ya--I'm gonna have to pick up the pace if I think I'm gonna get those videos viewed before the October 6th convention date. I watched THREE episodes yesterday and will watch two tonight. This is cutting into my "L.A. Ink" time but we must sometimes mortify the flesh...

I just LOVE that Blogger now makes it super easy to include videos. I hope it doesn't make opening this blog slow down to the speed of mud....I thought I'd give you a good laugh by showing you that you can indeed teach an old dog new tricks...here's Freckles demonstrating her latest trick....crawling. It makes me laugh. This is how we spend our 5:30 AM pre-morning-walk preparations....
....

A final word...er, photo.....as they say a picture is worth a thousand words or some nonsense......
I leave you with this:
Happy Labor day, indeed!

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Tie me down and Tie me Rod

So, there I am, driving up and down the road, asking the wife repeatedly, "do you hear that?" and, "do you feel that?" I know that there is something seriously wrong with my car and I know it's something near the front end but I don't know enough about cars to know what is wrong and it's not like a tire is falling off or anything, so I am left to wonder aloud what is exactly wrong. I turn the wheel and ask the wife, "do you hear that squeaking?" I turn off the radio and make her ride along with me. I mutter that it's probably a strut or something, as I know struts are in the front end and that maybe that's what the noise is all about. Still, I am at the mercy of the mechanic.

As it was time for an oil change anyway, the wife offers to take the car in. We make the executive decision to take it to the Mazda dealer. This is a "six of one, half dozen of another" kind of situation. You pay out the ass when you go to the dealer, but the dealer has parts in stock and should actually know how to fix the problems associated with the specific make and model. We've had super luck with this dealer and so it does not seem like a time to veer from our standard procedure of dealer-for-oil-changes. I kiss the wife good bye and tell her to call me only if the repairs are going to be $200.00 or more.

Imagine my excitement when my phone rings at 8 AM.

I know this is NOT a good sign. I inquire about the issue and the wife indeed indicates it is not a good thing. Something about tie rods and steering and...blah blah blah...it all sounds the same to me. I ask, "so, are we talking about $600?" (Why I picked $600, I have no idea. It's just the number that came out of my mouth spontaneously.) She says, "it's worse."

It is NOT a good thing!

I now begin to realize that this is the Universe's way of punishing me for buying that damn Xena Convention Ticket while ignoring my dedication to the Dave Ramsey Debt Diet. Or, maybe it's the Universe telling me, "Moron, you are SO not going to be out of debt by January 1, 2008." Or, maybe cars just suck.

I am in no mood to shop around for parts or prices. "Tall Rick," a friend from way back, is the service manager and I'm pretty sure he wouldn't screw us more than necessary to make his paycheck. The wife tells me that we are talking about $1000. Ugh.

I give her the go-ahead. After all, I can't exactly drive without functioning tie rods and ball joints and what not. I don't want to end up looking like this poor jeep (photo to right, "gleaned" from rps4wd.com). I feel like I should just bend over and get it over with. I'm gonna get screwed and I know it.

While the wife is fretting at the dealer, I get on line and check out what the hell a tie rod is. I love "Car Talk" and go to their site in an effort to get some answers. They catch my attention when writing "....If [the tie rods] are bad, you should replace them right away, because if they break, your heirs could be reading this explanation."

That's all I needed to read. Bring on the damned tie rods!

Tierodexperts.com (can you even believe there is a site about tie rod experts???) indicates:
"A tie rod makes the wheels of your vehicle turn by sending the force made by the rack gear to the steering knuckle. The length of the tie rod can be altered for alignment purposes by an adjusting sleeve that's connected to the outer tie rod. Just like all other components on you automobile, the tie rod can wear down or loosen. Key signs that your tie rod needs to be replaced are drifting tires, irregular steering, and unwarranted tire erosion. It's important that you get your vehicle a wheel alignment after replacing your old tie rods because installing new tie rods upsets the toe setting."

Whatever! Just fix it and get it over with!

From the looks of things on the Internet (the all-knowing internet, that is), tie rods are pretty cheap. Unfortunately, at the dealer, this is not the case. Add some parts, add some wheel alignment and add a shit-load of labor and you're looking at $1000.00.

I hear Dave Ramsey screaming in the background.

All this nonsense of spending of money leads me back to my rambling of how I like to get a new car every few years and thus I never get to this point--I never end up putting the big bucks into car repair because I just get a new car. I'm not used to this car problem stuff and I certainly don't like it. My car has been paid off for a few months...and, guess what? The money I would have paid in car payments for the past three months would have totaled exactly what I will now be paying for repairs! ARRRG!

I suppose the good news is that the car is fixed, no one was killed while riding in my car, nothing fell off the car, it was less than $2000, the parts were in stock, it was fixed in less than a day, there was plenty of room on the credit card, our total airline miles will go up because of this cost and "Tall Rick" thinks my car is in excellent shape. The bad news is (besides the cost) that I need more work on some squeaky thing in the front and that will be about $250.00.

Screw that--I can live with squeaking for awhile....or, maybe I can take it in to get it fixed and buy a new car instead while I'm at the dealer.......

....I didn't just say that, did I???

Sunday, August 26, 2007

Words to Live by....

If you attend a work party, my words of wisdom are: STAY SOBER.

If I'm completely and totally sober while performing this air guitar solo (and I promise you--I swear on my dogs' lives- that I am indeed very, very sober while performing this air guitar solo--and sporty, don't you think?), you can only imagine what my drunk co-workers are doing.....


It's not pretty when co-workers drink. Even less pretty than the sober-air-guitar solo illustrated here.
(Yes, my knees hurt the next day after busting this move but at least I could still walk and it didn't make my pleurisy any worse.)

If my words of wisdom aren't enough, let this short video demonstrate my wisdom of staying sober. This fine upstanding citizen, usually not one to get caught doing anything remotely extroverted, finds himself doing a solo via the influence of the evil alcohol:

I rest my case.

Thursday, August 23, 2007

Cliff notes from the Addiverse

Has it really been since August 16th since my last post? Geez, time flies when you're having pleurisy.

Xena Convention Update:
The actual problem is this: one hundred and thirty four Xena episodes with only six weeks before the Xena Convention. The limited amount of time means I must cram at LEAST one Xena Episode per day, which limits my free time to do other things. I am going to have to figure out a better system to get those episodes "consumed" before October 5th. I didn't just want to watch them from start to finish, as I've seen all the oldest ones more than several times. My new approach is this: Watch the 10th Anniversary Box Set (16 of the top episodes, as voted by the fans), followed by seasons 4, 5 and 6. After that, I'll probably watch seasons 1, 2 and 3, not that you really care. (You know, I just realized I don't have any Xena-related tattoos.....)


News Bulletin: The Sporty Five Theme for this year has been canceled.
After all, if you can't even do push ups without ending up in the emergency room, you should not have a sporty theme. Besides, I aggravated the injury last night when carrying some scrap booking stuff. How embarrassing is that? I have been SOOOO careful not to carry anything and I carry a bit of scrap booking stuff and re-injure my chest muscles. Pisses the poo right out of me.


Thank your big hearts and bigger wallets:
I am so touched by all of your generosity & thoughtfulness. Our Friend O'Del is yet to return home (last report was that there was $10,000 of mold waiting to be removed) but she remains in good spirits. Master Reiki and Blue Eyes have been the hostesses of the mostessess, even providing O'Del with some wheels the past weeks. The O'Del fund
is in the thousands. You read that right. I am proud to say that 99.9% of folks I contacted contributed money. Some of you don't even know O'Del but that didn't stop you from providing donations. Why, my own Wild Mama and Favorite Sister made very generous contributions to the cause. What women! Thank you, thank you, thank you to all of you. You have made a profound difference in her life. That money can easily be put to the mold task.....now, if would only stop raining!!!


Football Season is back upon us
. That means the wife is busy worrying about the Packers AND the Brewers at the same time. It's a painful tradition in the house, with the wife lamenting about every Packer move. I'll just stick to watching Xena episodes and running the football pool at work. (Of course, we do NOT play for money. That would be illegal gambling and I would never do that at work.) The wife is predicting a .500 season for the Pack. I'm hoping for better or that will mean 1/2 of the weekends this fall will be VERY sad. I'm not ready for that. The Brewers season is giving her enough indigestion; I'm not sure she'll be handle both teams at the same time. Pray for her poor, cheese-filled soul.

Okay, so that catches you up to the Addiverse Happenings. Now, get out of my way--I have to watch two Xena episodes before I go to bed.....

Thursday, August 16, 2007

Addi Warrior Princess finds her Peeps

I was talking to my favorite hair stylist yesterday (Harry, god love her) while getting my hair "did" and the topic of the Xena convention came up. Of course, I am the one that brought it up (how would she know that I am a Xena stalker?) during our usual hair-cutting conversation. (I should say "hair styling" as she does much more than just cut my hair. It's tough to look like Jackie Warner without much effort and skill.) I am lucky Harry didn't lop off an ear during this discussion. I'm not sure if she was horrified, thoroughly entertained, stunned or amazed by my willingness to pay big money to hang out with a bunch of stars from a long- canceled show. We had some pretty good laughs about this and snorted a time or two from laughing about how I could go to the Xena convention AND the Star Trek convention on the same date and the same time. Harry did not seemed surprised that I would be going to this event alone, as she wasn't sure I'd be able to find someone who would like to enjoy me in this endeavor.

Well, we were both WRONG!

I get home (with my rocking hair do) and there is a message on the answering machine from a friend...a friend who happens to be almost as obsessed about Xena as I am. I shall call her Argo Warrior Princess for the purposes this blog. Wait--Argo WP went to New Zealand TWICE and brought me sand back from the place where many of the Xena scenes were shot--so she MAY be a bigger Xena nerd than I am (but not by much). Wait--she's been to TWO Xena conferences and I've only been to one....she may truly be a bigger fan than me. Who woulda thunk that possible? Anyway, this friend and I (and the wife and an unsuspecting partner) went to a Xena convention in Minneapolis many, many years ago (like 8 or ten years ago) and had seen a few of the lesser-known stars (read: Not Lucy or Renee). Nonetheless, I didn't think she'd be interested in going to the Chicago conference but there she was, on my answering machine, professing her interest in going.

I have found my people!!!

Argo WP and I get ourselves all in a froth about attending this event together. After all, who wants to experience this once in a lifetime event alone? I quickly agree to secure a hotel room and for us to attend this sacred event together. It is a dream of the gods!

I hang up and call the hotel, asking for their best available price for the weekend. They cough up some number much higher than what was posted for the Xena convention. This means I will now have to ask for the "Xena rate." For some reason, this gives me a momentary flash of embarrassment. I mean, I am going to a Xena convention, for cry eye--what the hell is embarrassing about asking for the Xena rate? "Um, I am wondering about the rooms reserved for the....Xena convention that weekend." I then mutter something about being embarrassed about asking for this and the man quickly responds with an, "Oh no! Don't be embarrassed! That's only $129.00 for the night!" Bingo! Xena saves us much dinero. We have a quick chat about the conference and about the Star Trek convention that will also be there. I decide this guy is as big a nerd as I am. More of my peeps.

Now, it's time to start preparing for the actual convention. Argo WP and I have a lot of episode-watching to do. After all, you can't go to the convention of a life time without being up-to-date on the show's trivia and episodes. I'll have to get going on my Xena scrapbook and I'll have to search Ebay for something appropriate to wear. (No, I will NOT be dressing up as Xena, but I DO want to wear something Xena-themed, like a T-shirt. No leather for moi.) I'll have to start saving pennies for all the incidental costs associated with this blessed event. I am all a-tingle with excitement. Maybe Argo Warrior Princess and I can get matching t-shirts....

Only 46 or so more days to go......

Saturday, August 11, 2007

The Chicago Xena Convention: What would Xena do?

Okay, so most people who know me know that I am a Xena Warrior Princess freak. After all, I do call myself Addi Warrior Princess (thus the addiwp) and I do collect all sorts of Xena crap and I own every episode of the six seasons of Xena....so, it is hard to imagine that I would even QUESTION whether or not I would go to the Chicago Xena convention in October 2007.

I myself cannot believe I am even questioning this. Me, the girl who spent twelve zillion dollars on Madonna concerts last year. Me, who named my dogs after two characters on Xena. Me, who sported WWXD license plates. Lucy Lawless and Renee O'Connor have never been to Chicago--this will be my first (and possibly only) chance to see the two of them together in the same room as me. (In case you are wondering, Xena conventions are few and far between. They are usually only in California, with a stray one here and there--without Lucy and Renee.)

The problem is the Dave Ramsey Debt Diet.

I have done so well in slashing my debt that I am scheduled to be debt free by January 1, 2008. (Everything but having the house paid off--Dave says that doesn't count when considering yourself debt free. Don't try to understand.) I've done everything Dave has asked me to do, including not purchasing anything without having the funds to pay in cash immediately for the item in question. My charge card is lonely but the balance is being addressed, chunk by chunk.


I am here to tell you that Dave Ramsey would SO poop all over my idea to attend the Xena Convention in Chicago.

I can't tell you how much I've struggled with this. It all started because Creation Entertainment sent me that dreaded email announcing the convention in Chicago. I deleted the email, I undeleted the email. I clicked on the link, I signed out of the link. I repeated this about thirty times, and I am not kidding you about this. I'd click on the icon to buy tickets, I'd think of Dave Ramsey, I'd back out of the buy tickets.

It's the cost of the ticket that is the problem, not the convention itself. If I am going to go the convention, I am going to do it right: I'm going to get the entire weekend gold pass/package, I'm going to attend the gold package breakfast and silent auction, I am going to sit in the first few rows with my closest Xena stalkers and I am going to get the Lucy and Renee autographed photo as part of the package.


The good news is the cost of the convention admission is less than a Madonna ticket. The bad news is that is barely less than the cost of a Madonna ticket.

The good news is that I will get a lot "more" for the price of going to the convention than I technically did at a Madonna concert. (No offense to Madge, but I didn't get her autograph, I didn't get to meet her, I didn't have the chance to have a photo with her, I certainly didn't sit in the front row.) The bad news is that the ticket is $319.

The good news is that this is the cost for the entire weekend--everything--and I'll be right up there, close enough for Lucy Lawless to sweat on me. The bad news is that the ticket is $319.

The good news is that I won't have to travel to Pasadena, California to attend a conference with Lucy and Renee in attendance, I won't have to pay for airfare or hotel costs, I won't have to buy all my meals in a restaurant. The bad news is that the ticket is $319.

The wife is all in favor of me going to the convention, which is in direct opposition to Dave Ramsey. (I'm almost surprised by her support as this is a lot of money but she recognizes my love of Xena and that the company has never brought Lucy and Renee to Chicago and that I will have many regrets if I don't go. God love her.) I explain my woes to her and fret about Dave. I'm doing so well but to buy the ticket I will have to charge the cost and I don't want to do that. But, if you think I have $300 sitting around, you have been watching too many Xena episodes. I go back to clicking on the convention link and then backing out. It's almost like a ritual. Open, close. Open, close.

I woke up this AM and turned on the computer. I open the email (once again un-deleted) and click on the link. I stare for a few moments at the link to buy the gold pass, swallow and click on the link. I think to myself, "What Would Xena Do?"

She'd stab Dave Ramsey right in the head and then buy the ticket.

I can't argue with that. You bet your bippy I bought the ticket.

Dave who?

Thursday, August 09, 2007

Rockford Flooding: Helping O'Del

I know that I am a smarty-pants and usually only post things of a less than serious nature. I'd much rather be talking about the upcoming Xena Convention in Chicago than have to write about such serious things. However, I am taking a small detour from usual programming to talk about the recent Rockford Flood.

For those of you who aren't aware, flooding in parts of Rockford was extensive. How extensive? Here are some photos from the Rockford Register Star


(thanks to Eddy Montville, Kevin Hass and Jean Walsh for the photos).

Let's just say that the flooding sucked.


Our friend O'Del was one of the major victims of this flood.

(Side note: Shame on you, Mayor Larry & your pal Jim--how could you let this happen again? Don't pretend you did anything to prevent it. Ah, you don't live around "those people," so what do you care? How dare you call those residents "those people." And I thought I didn't like Governor Blago--you are on the same level as that moron. Larry baby, how dare you not return to the city during this crisis. Hope you are having fun. Don't expect any votes from us. End of personal bitching.)

She lost lots of things to the flood--her car, her motorbike, many of her personal belongings. Being the good person that she is, she is focused on how lucky she is and how it could have been "worse." God love her.

Anywoo, if you've never experienced the mud, the muck, the mold or the stench related to a flood, you have no idea what this is like for her or her neighbors. There was a flood in her area less than a year ago
(hence my sour feeling toward the mayor and his cronies--how dare they blame anyone but themselves--and how dare they say this was a "once in a 100 year event" and how dare they do nothing to make sure it really was a once in a 100 year event)
and we helped her clean up after that one. Everything was covered with muck and mold. It was absolutely disgusting. We sloshed bleach water everywhere. As one of the persons washing the rafters, I am here to tell you it majorly sucked. Although we did our best, I'm sure much mold still made a home in her residence. A new furnace was part of the recovery process but again she said how fortunate she was.

This time, we as her friends can't just sit back and do nothing. Oh, we'll make our voices heard loud and clearly when voting time comes around (I feel an editorial to the newspaper coming!) but we want to help her personally. This is a lady who would give a stranger the shirt off her back. This is a lady who would prefer we collect money for her 91 year old neighbor to buy a new furnace & washer than take care of her own needs. This is a lady that feels lucky even though her car has been totaled and she'll never get anything near the actual value of her car from the insurance company. We want to collect monies to get her place professionally cleaned. We can't buy her a new washer and dryer and furnace and we can't replace her car but at least we can make her home a bit safer for her return. The damage is too great for us to clean the mess and it would be a dangerous adventure.

So, am I begging for your donations? You bet your ass I am. Any amount will be appreciated and no donation would be too small. You may not know O'Del but trust me she is "good people." She'd give money for you. She'd give time for you. There won't be any help from the government. (In fact, none of the supposed public servants have even been seen in the area. You think they are gonna provide any funding for recovery? Oh, sorry--I'm getting bitchy again.) If you want to contribute to the cause, email me or contact me through this blog. Those of you who are friends and family know my email address. Those who are readers not familiar with me can use the blog way of contacting me. I'll get the needed info to you pronto.

I promise my next blog entry will be silly and of no true redeeming value. It's true that the Xena convention really is coming to Chicago this fall. But, for the time being, I'm seeking help for a friend. Any help will truly go a long way. I'm not even sure we can get her to accept our help but we are going to try. We are going to go ahead and hire professional cleaners and knock her out of the way when she protests. Thanks for bearing with me and thanks for those who can contribute anything to this worthy woman....

Monday, August 06, 2007

Vacations I have known
As it is the last few hours of my vacation, I thought I'd reminisce about previous vacations.
There's not much to reminisce about this vacation--after all, being push-up-pleurisy-couch-potato-bound has vastly limited our options. Not that I'm complaining--not working is always a vacation.


(I'm having deja vu that I've already written these things before, but if I can't remember, I'm hoping you can't remember, either.)

Last Camping Vacation: Is this a great photo or what? I'll let you figure out what year it is. I'll give you a clue--it was in the 1980's. We haven't camped since then. The wife is NOT big on camping. If you had stayed in that tent, you'd never camp again, either.

For those of you can't believe the wife let me post this photo (left), rest assured she is torturing me by playing Bobby Goldsboro, Glen Campbell & Three dog night C.D.s she purchased today. Trust me--we're even. (I'm not kidding about the music, either.)

Most traumatic vacation memory:
Fourth grade, stuck in the "Matterhorn" at Disneyland. I didn't want to go on that stupid "Skyway to Tomorrowland" and then it gets "stuck" in the Matterhorn. I probably still need therapy after that. I hear they got rid of that ride. Good! Here's a photo of what it looked like--well, what it looks like when it's not stuck in a fake white mountain with bobsleds shooting past you. I can even tell you what I was wearing that day--a red, white and blue striped shirt; hush puppy shoes, blue pants. Now, THAT'S true (PTSD) post traumatic skyway disorder.




Most disgusting hotel:
Jackson, Mississippi, Econolodge
, complete with cockroaches (in the daylight!) hanging off the bed headboard and rooms-by-the hour. No, we didn't stay. No hotel has ever compared to the disgust of this place (although there was that one hotel in Greensville during college softball where my supposedly clean pillow reeked of stale beer....). The cockroaches were shared with our favorite travelers, pictured here incognito to protect their true identity. Thankfully, we were able to move to a hotel in the area that didn't have cockroaches (but did have a broken toilet--I'm still sorry I didn't listen & just HAD to flush the toilet.)


Craziest vacation: Stuffing a 6'7" guy from Denmark into Bead Lady's compact card
(without air conditioning) and driving to Massachusetts for no known reason and with no planning. By far one of the most spontaneous things I have ever done. He was so tall he didn't fit in hotel beds, let alone her car. We refused to let him drive. I think we were gone for a total four days--two there, two back. I guess Bead Lady and I decided this Danish guy needed to see more of the U.S. than where we worked (he was there as an intern or guest of the country or something--he was here for the summer). We drove through ten states, all the way out to the tip of Cape Cod (again, for no reason--but because it was there and was supposedly artsy and why not). Mr. Denmark met some guy on the beach--a scrawny guy from Elgin--and invited him to stay with us for the night. Um, that's not how we do it in the U.S. but I guess everyone is friendly in Denmark and that's what they do. Bead Lady and I were none too pleased about this and Mr. Denmark knew it. Highlights of the trip included getting a flat tire and in Erie, gawking at Niagara Falls and Mr. Denmark sticking White Castle french fries in his nose. (I'm not kidding. After four days in a compact car, you'd be doing the same.) I have some great photos of this trip but don't have a scanner so you'll have to use your imagination about the french fries.


Favorite Annual Summer Event:
Petite Lake.
Here's a photo from near where we went
vacationing every year when I was a kid. No, that's not me & the wife on the swings. That's my grandma and relatives. I could write thirty blog entries on Petite Lake alone, but I'll leave it to this one picture and a bunch of happy memories.



Best Puking Tourists: On New Year's Day, 1994, the wife and I were vacationing in St. Thomas. As we didn't party the night before, we were good to go for our new year's catamaran ride to St. John's. The poor Japanese tourists joining us were not so ready. In fact, we were the only two on
the boat (besides the crew, of course) that weren't puking. That left us the ENTIRE buffet lunch for the taking--none of those puking Japanese people ate a thing. We were eating like kings, snorkeling for days, romping around....and all they could do is puke. Bet that's a New Year's Day they won't forget.

Smallest Airplane: Vieques Airlines, Puerto Rico and Vieques, P.R. I swear my car is bigger than this plane. Actually, it was a very fun (albeit short) ride. The highlight was having the pilot have to watch for dogs on the runway and learning that the other airline company (who would think there would be TWO Vieques airlines) was shut down for safety reasons the same day we were flying in that teeny plane.

Worst airplane flight: St. Petersburg, 1981. Anyone who wants to argue with me about this needs to talk to my mother and sister about it. There's nothing like landing at the "wrong" airport in the middle of a story (we're talking tornado warnings) and watching the crew fill the plane up with gas so you can go back up in the storm and circle for days while waiting for the "right" airport to clear up. Hell NO! We got ourselves right off that plane.

Best food (by far): Cozumel.
Best Vacation spot:
Cozumel.

Best rent-a-car:
Cozumel.
Best reason to stop in Florida because there is no gas on the island:
Cozumel.
Best sinkhole: Cozumel.
Best snorkeling: Cozumel.
Best fish in a stranger's swimsuit: Cozumel.
Best jellyfish sting: Cozumel.

This is a photo of us in a Cozumel-ian sinkhole. We were on a horseback ride with some guy who didn't speak English and he pointed down to the sinkhole. Being the stupid tourists that we are, we went down into the hole. Thankfully, he just wanted to take our photo and not stuff us in there. I guess Cozumel Sinkholes are very important or unusual or rare or good photo ops. I'm not really sure because, like I said, I couldn't understand the guide (despite my two years of high school Spanish--I could ask him where the library is but not about what he was showing us). He seemed pretty excited about it, though. So, if you go to Cozumel, be sure to eat the native food and go see a sink hole.

Okay, I have to stop writing so the wife will turn off the god-forsaken Bobby Goldsboro music....."and, honey, I miss you but I'm being good........."

Friday, August 03, 2007

Way So Great America
(Before I talk about going to Great America, I wanted to share a picture of the Japanese Beetle Bag-o-bugs from the back yard. You can't really see what's going on but if you look at the top of the trap on the yellow part you can see all the beetles swimming around before falling into the bag. You can see some of them on the tree, too. Blech! The photo does not do justice to how disgusting it was out there.)

Anywhoo, I went to the doctor on Wednesday and was cleared of a need for a heart transplant or quintuple bypass surgery or pacemaker or any other ridiculous thing (ha ha--making fun of myself being in an emergency room while on vacation), so I thought it might be in order for some actual fun during this non-vacation vacation. I'm still in a lot of push-up-pleurisy pain but I'm getting stir crazy and really bored. I hate sitting around so much. A day or two is fine, but this is getting ridiculous. Besides, all this free time gives me more time to think about The Governor and you KNOW that can't be very good for my health. (Side note: the doctor did offer me the chance to do a stress test, but I passed. I'm Sporty Five and don't have time to do such mundane things. I promised her I'd do it when I'm fifty. I also have to go back and get my cholesterol tested--I guess I should stop eating a bowl of ice cream a day before I go do that.) So, the wife and I went ahead with plans to join my sister and the three nieces for a day of fun at Six Flags Great America. I knew I wouldn't be able to do much of anything but eat and walk, but that sounded a hell of a lot more fun than sitting on the couch one more day.

My sister and her three daughters are professional Six Flagg-ers. They have season passes, they travel the country to go to different Six Flags parks, they know all the tricks, they buy "Fast Pass-Gold Level" thingies, they have a parking permit for premium parking spots. The wife was in awe. These people know how to work a park. I have to tell you, it was rather a blur and it wasn't just because I was taking pain medication--it was park hopping at warp speed, on a professional level. The wife and eldest niece went on every single roller coaster but one within six hours. Back in the day when I actually rode those roller coasters, you'd be lucky to get on three in a day because the lines are so long. Oh no--not with the Gold Level Fast Pass--you run from ride to ride and hope to catch your breath in between. (For the record: the wife looked green only once during the day--after getting off the Deja Vu roller coaster. She regained her color after a few minutes and headed off to the next ride. My hero!)

Me? I stayed safely on the ground with my sister. It was 157 degrees in the shade and let me tell you--there is NOT a lot of shade at Great America. You have to kind of squeeze yourself into the shade made by the various buildings. So, we basically sat around and sweated profusely. Blacktop and searing heat. Mmm, a tasty combination! My sister stated that she was "melting from the inside out." Trust me--I knew what she meant.

To the left is a photo of the wife, eldest niece and middle niece--well, a photo of their feet--second row. I'm not kidding. Eldest niece--black shoes. Wife--bare feet (can't wear your flip flops on the ride). Middle niece--black shoes. I was pretty impressed with my photography to catch this shot. I was more impressed with the wife's ability to spend a day at Great America in flip flops. She doesn't recommend it. I spent a lot of time looking up toward feet trying to find them. My sister was really good at spotting our peeps.


I confess that I would have only gone on a few of the roller coasters had I actually been able to do so--being on the "injured reserve" really didn't stop me from doing what I would have usually done--stay on the ground, eat a lot of sugary filled treats, sweat a lot. I'd like to pretend that I would have gone on the rides with the wife and Eldest niece had I been in acceptable Sporty Five form, but it's not nice to lie. I probably would have gone on three of the roller coasters and then found somewhere to hide.

I did go on two rides: the train (we made that one a family affair) and one spin on the Merry-go-round with youngest niece (and trust me, I didn't want to go on that--I wasn't sure I'd be able to get on and off the horse). I also sat in a demo seat for the Superman ride. (They have these demo seats posted in front of the line so you can determine if you are too fat to get the seat safety bar down.) I figure sitting in this demo seat should count for something:


Kind of looks like I'm in a baby stroller, doesn't it??!!!!


Very appropriate!





So, what did I learn at Great America while having a way fun day?
  • Always hang around with season pass holders. They know what they are doing and you don't have to waste any time.
  • It's probably not wise to go to Great America when you have pleurisy.
  • Six Flags is not exactly vegetarian friendly.
  • Pizza costs $7 a slice, so go get the full chicken dinner instead (for $8.00). Well, unless you are a vegetarian--then, get the pizza.
  • Don't wear flip flops.
  • The churros aren't as good as they were when I was a younger fool visiting the park.
  • Do wear a bra. (I will leave it at that.)
  • Get the Fast Pass. Don't whine about the extra cost. I don't even like the rides and thought it was well worth it.
  • The wife is a bigger roller coaster goddess than I ever imagined.
  • Eldest niece is fearless. (I love that in a person!)
  • Don't go on The Viper right after Hurricane Harbor closes (cuz that's where everyone runs to at HH's exit).
  • Never eat a big, processed, bagged chocolate chip cookie at an amusement park. Wait til you get home and get some real cookies.
  • Watch out for really big semi trucks when driving on the tollway.
  • Take sun screen and ibuprofen with cuz you are going to need it.
  • Hang on to your cell phone.
  • Have a cell phone so you can find each other (what did we do before the age of cell phones?).
  • Always take someone along who will sit in the shade with you when you aren't riding the rides.
  • Bring your credit card because you are going to need it.
  • There are a lot of really bad tattoos out in the world.
  • There are a lot of scary-looking pierced belly buttons in the world, too.
  • Buy the $10 pop and keep refilling it for a $1.oo a time. It's a better deal than paying $3.50 for one bottle of water.
  • Be nice to Bugs Bunny. Always. Being mean to Bugs would be like being mean to Mickey Mouse and that is rather sacrilegious.....
  • It's okay to go to Great America on a 157 degree day cuz everyone will be in Hurricane Harbor or too stupid to be there on such a hot day or they've all passed out and thus the lines are shorter....
  • Take a nap when it's all over. That, and take some pain pills. Then, it's all good.

Wednesday, August 01, 2007

Turning Japanese

The poor wife! She went out early to mow the lawn (it's like 150 degrees outside, so she had to start early) and when she came in, it was easy to see she was all shook up. I mean literally--she was shaking bugs off of her, out of her clothes, out of her hair.....

Beetles were falling off of her. UGH!

We thought we had escaped the dreaded Japanese Beetle infestation this year....until our neighbor pointed out one of our poor trees in the back yard was basically a ball of beetles. Japanese beetles, to be exact. You know, the pretty little shiny beetles that stript the leaves bare on your favorite trees? Yeah, those beetles.

The wife lamented that the beetles were flocking all around her while she was trying to mow. She re-enacted how she was swatting while riding the mower and described how there are now hoards of beetles out there. Being the skeptic that I am, I took my chest-pained body out to the back yard, camera in hand. I figured if there were swarms of beetles out there, I'd get some photos and put them on the blog....



I am here to tell you--and I swear to you on a bag of Dove Dark Chocolate that this is true and not exaggerated--I could NOT get close to the tree. It was absolutely, positively disgusting. Those beetles were EVERYWHERE around the tree. I literally could not get close enough to take photos, even with the digital zoom. Those puppies smelled my Aveda hair products and came a-flying toward my head. I'm swatting and swearing and trying to get away from the swarm and they are chasing me and they are IN my hair. Thus, you are looking at photos from the Internet, not from our backyard.

You know those beetle bug bags? Ours is full. Full within twenty four hours. Busting full of beetles. Ever look in one of those things? All those beetles are crawling all over each other and they're buzzing and it's just kind of gross. The problem right now? We can't get near the bag to change it and put an empty one out there. Thankfully, I am on the injured reserve list, so I'm guessing I won't be the one trying to put the new bag out there. We're trying to figure out a way to cover the wife so she won't be personally touched by the bugs. Maybe one of those bee keeper suits.....I'll definitely get the camera out for that...